Friday, April 9, 2010

obedience sucks sometimes

Has the Lord ever asked, no rather, required you to do something that just isn't fun?  He once asked me to carry on with a friendship that I was done, D-O-N-E with.  It was difficult and painful to show this person the love of my Savior when I personally felt no love or grace towards her.  In the end, God rewarded my obedience with an even deeper and amazing and uplifting friendship than I could have ever imagined.

He's doing it agian.  He's asking me to be obedient and I don't want to!  I feel my inner 5 year old coming out ready to throw myself down and cry, scream and beg.  This time the obedience is for me, to show God's healing power to my own heart not to someone elses.  It isn't easy.  I have some bruises to let Him touch with gentleness and remove their ouch factor.  It is easier to leave them buried.

Several months ago a friend sent me a Bible study called Breaking Free.  I was very excited to start, just as soon as I finished the book I was working on.  Then when I was all ready to start, I had a conversation with a friend.  Well, she, of course, needed this study and I must wait for her to get it and we would do it together.  Short version, I have procrastinated for just over 3 months thinking maybe God would let me off the hook.  He hasn't.  He can't heal the hurts if I don't let Him in. 

I guess it's time to stop making excuses, to stop being terrified that uncovering the hurts will be more than I can handle, and to stop trying to run and hide from the work the Lord is wanting to do in my life.  I am engraved on the palm of His hand.  He won't drop me, a tattoo can't  just fall or be thrown off a hand anyway.  He wouldn't ask me to start uncovering my heart and then leave me to finish on my own.  He is faithful to me and His Word says that He will carry on to completion the work He has started in me.  Those are words I can trust.

So here's to a journey I'm not eager to make, to a God who is faithful, to a heart in need of healing and to a God who allows me to dream vividly, in color, so that I can see that He has so much work that He longs to do in me.  Obedience is more desirable than sacrifice; obedience carries with it the promise of hope and healing.  Obedience is what my God and Lord is asking of me now and obedience is what I will give (allbeit reluctantly!)

Let's go on a journey.............

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