having the Viagra talk

That title got your attention didn't it? There are just some things I wasn't prepared for when I became a mom. There are times that my kids cause me to pause, completely unsure of what to say. Yesterday was one of those times.

Let me back up just a little to give reference. A week or two ago my middle son asks me what Viagra is (thanks, Viagra marketing gurus for that conversation starter. I owe you one!). We make it a point to be honest when our kids ask tough questions because if we don't answer someone else will. I really want my kids getting their information from me and Dad rather than from 10-12 year olds.

Answering these questions has gotten less awkward for me over the past few years. It is no longer that big gulp of air and wishing with all my might that they had asked at a time when Dad was home to defer to. It has become second nature to give an answer matter of factly. So I answer, "It is a medicine that helps men's penises to function properly." Conversation over.

Until yesterday.....

As we left the school my oldest was telling us about silly sentences they had made up in grammar class. One of the sentences was something about "Stupid monkeys eating violently" or something to that effect. In the middle of the crosswalk, right next to my older son's female teacher, this angelic, crazy eyed middle child says at the top of his lungs,

"STUPID MONKEYS TAKING THEIR VIAGRA!"

I'm not even kidding when I say I came to a dead stop in the middle of the crosswalk COMPLETELY SPEECHLESS. The littlest keeps walking, thankfully completely unaware that his brother had said anything inappropriate. The oldest, who has never asked what Viagra does but has apparently figured out from context clues or from other kids the purpose of it, begins laughing so hard he almost falls over in middle of the crosswalk and has laughter tears streaming down his face by the time we reach the car.

Momentarily I forgot that I had the previous discussion and asked said middle child if he knew what that meant. He reminded me that I had told him it was medicine for a man's penis. I groaned and mentally hit my head against the nearest wall. Yesterday I was grateful that we've already had a basic conversation about sex with him because I had to explain a  little more in detail about how Viagra helps a man.

This honesty policy sometimes really increases the awkward level as well as the humour level in our family. I really wish someone would have prepared me for the things like this before I was a mom! How could I have ever known this crazy, wonderful, awkward, beautiful, hilarious place that the journey of motherhood could take me?


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