Thursday, July 10, 2014

what brave feels like

Last week at the store my favorite cashier was asking how the family is doing, in particular how the littlest is recovering. We chatted about how he continues to amaze all of us. At the end of the transaction she smiled and said, "Well keep doing that (pointing to my Be You Bravely t-shirt I was wearing). Keep being you bravely."
(picture from the MOPShop website) 

Then this week at work one day my boss came up to me and gave me a quick hug and whispered in my ear "I'm proud of you. Keep being brave."

See the funny thing is that I don't feel brave. Not even a little bit. Today I had a sudden urge (that I did not indulge) to run out of the office, away from the meeting I was in, away from my cubicle, away where it was warm and bright and quiet.  And all that I could think was 

What does brave FEEL like?

I began thinking about what brave looks like. I thought of my friends who have had to walk through cancer or heart transplant with their children. I thought of my son who just had surgery. I thought of their bravery and I wondered if they know they are brave. I wonder if they feel brave. I don't. I feel scared. I feel tired. I feel anything but brave.

All of this led me to analyze what bravery is. The conclusion I came to is that being brave doesn't mean that I will feel like Superman. It doesn't mean I won't feel fear. It means that I will continue to put one foot in front of the other even when I am scared. It means that I won't hide from adversity, even when I really want to. 

I've done a lot of brave things in my life but I cannot think of a single time that I have felt brave. So even though I can define what bravery is, I can point it out in others and at times in myself, I still don't know what bravery feels like. I think that true bravery feels like being scared to death and still doing the next right thing.

What do you think? Have you ever felt brave? What does bravery feel like for you? 

side note, I saw this meme just a few minutes after hitting publish. Is that perfect timing or what????

1 comment:

JamiLynnKastner said...

ABSOLUTELY! Courage isn't the absence of fear.... Courage is doing the scary thing even though you are terrified. Hang in there girl!