That title got your attention didn't it? There are just some things I wasn't prepared for when I became a mom. There are times that my kids cause me to pause, completely unsure of what to say. Yesterday was one of those times.
Let me back up just a little to give reference. A week or two ago my middle son asks me what Viagra is (thanks, Viagra marketing gurus for that conversation starter. I owe you one!). We make it a point to be honest when our kids ask tough questions because if we don't answer someone else will. I really want my kids getting their information from me and Dad rather than from 10-12 year olds.
Answering these questions has gotten less awkward for me over the past few years. It is no longer that big gulp of air and wishing with all my might that they had asked at a time when Dad was home to defer to. It has become second nature to give an answer matter of factly. So I answer, "It is a medicine that helps men's penises to function properly." Conversation over.
Until yesterday.....
As we left the school my oldest was telling us about silly sentences they had made up in grammar class. One of the sentences was something about "Stupid monkeys eating violently" or something to that effect. In the middle of the crosswalk, right next to my older son's female teacher, this angelic, crazy eyed middle child says at the top of his lungs,
"STUPID MONKEYS TAKING THEIR VIAGRA!"
I'm not even kidding when I say I came to a dead stop in the middle of the crosswalk COMPLETELY SPEECHLESS. The littlest keeps walking, thankfully completely unaware that his brother had said anything inappropriate. The oldest, who has never asked what Viagra does but has apparently figured out from context clues or from other kids the purpose of it, begins laughing so hard he almost falls over in middle of the crosswalk and has laughter tears streaming down his face by the time we reach the car.
Momentarily I forgot that I had the previous discussion and asked said middle child if he knew what that meant. He reminded me that I had told him it was medicine for a man's penis. I groaned and mentally hit my head against the nearest wall. Yesterday I was grateful that we've already had a basic conversation about sex with him because I had to explain a little more in detail about how Viagra helps a man.
This honesty policy sometimes really increases the awkward level as well as the humour level in our family. I really wish someone would have prepared me for the things like this before I was a mom! How could I have ever known this crazy, wonderful, awkward, beautiful, hilarious place that the journey of motherhood could take me?
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Showing posts with label boy mama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boy mama. Show all posts
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Friday, February 28, 2014
laughter is good medicine
I've had a few of those conversations lately. You know, those ones that leave you scratching your head and wondering why no one ever told you that kids say the darndest things. Last week trauma took over our house when our middle son discovered that his boy turtle is actually a girl turtle. Um, yeah, she laid 7 eggs in the bottom of her tank. Having never seen turtle eggs, I personally thought it was cool that our turtle had laid eggs. My son however, not so much.
First there was a panic that we would need to rename Bob since he is a girl. I talked him off of that ledge by telling him about a friend of mine named Bobbie who we used to call Bob. Bob is a perfectly acceptable name for a girl turtle, we don't have to rename her. He thought about it and then accepted that answer. Whew, disaster averted, Bob can still be Bob!
Then he asked when the eggs would hatch so we would have baby turtles. Uh, son, no baby turtles because there isn't a male turtle to fertilize the eggs. These are empty eggs, no babies. It seemed simple enough but again, my son did not see it as simply as I did. Hysteria of mass proportions ensued. (This is only a SLIGHT exaggeration. Seriously people, this was his definition of something truly traumatic in his life!) I hugged my boy through sobs of
First there was a panic that we would need to rename Bob since he is a girl. I talked him off of that ledge by telling him about a friend of mine named Bobbie who we used to call Bob. Bob is a perfectly acceptable name for a girl turtle, we don't have to rename her. He thought about it and then accepted that answer. Whew, disaster averted, Bob can still be Bob!
Then he asked when the eggs would hatch so we would have baby turtles. Uh, son, no baby turtles because there isn't a male turtle to fertilize the eggs. These are empty eggs, no babies. It seemed simple enough but again, my son did not see it as simply as I did. Hysteria of mass proportions ensued. (This is only a SLIGHT exaggeration. Seriously people, this was his definition of something truly traumatic in his life!) I hugged my boy through sobs of
"Mooooooooom, it just issssssssn't faaaaaaaair that Bob caaaaaan't haaaaaaaave her baaaaaaaaaabies just becauuuuuuuse they don't haaaaaaaave a daaaaaaaad!"
Yeah, the sobbing made each syllable stretch to three. It would have been comical if he hadn't been so devestated. The next day my scientifically minded son asked if we could take the eggs to someone who has a boy turtle to get them fertilized and I had to explain that the eggs get fertilized BEFORE they are laid so there was no way to have them fertilized. We had a highly scientific discussion about turtle reproduction. The boy who had been a puddle of tears the night before was fine. I now know far more about breeding turtles than I ever thought I would need to know. Thanks Google, you're a lifesaver!
And then there was last night. Spring is definitely coming to Colorado. It is evidenced in our completely bipolar weather. Windows down in the morning, snow in the evening, sun and warmth again the next day. We are more than ready for spring to be in full swing. My oldest looked at me last night and says, "Stupid groundhog seeing his shadow and giving us two more weeks of winter." Then this conversation happened.....
Me: Actually, Son, we get SIX more weeks of winter when the groundhog sees his shadow. And not stupid groundhog. Stupid weatherman for giving a rodent the authority to predict our weather!
E (middle child): Mom, what do they do when the groundhog dies?
Me: I suppose they get a new one.
E: Do they tell the new one that the old one died?
awkward silence
Me: ummmmmmm
E: Well, they really should. He should know he is replacing a dead guy.
I love and adore my life. I know I can't pause time, but I can record it here. I can remember the conversations that made me laugh and the ones that would have made me laugh if I weren't holding a crying boy. Soon these conversations will be history so today I will savor them....... and laugh.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Dear New Mom (plus a giveaway!)
Dear New Mom,
I see you, bleary eyed and exhausted. And I remember being you. When you nearly shoved your newborn in my arms for a break from her crying, I remembered nearly shoving my own newborn in another been there-done that mamma's arms so that I could have a break.
When you asked if she would ever sleep, I chuckled. Not because I thought the question was funny but because it brought back the memory of the day my husband came home from work to see me with tears streaming down my cheeks and me saying, "I'm never going to sleep again as long as I live!" I remember sobbing and feeling so alone. I remember being convinced that life would never be "normal" again.
Let me tell you this, you are not alone. You are not the only mother to wonder if you will ever again close your eyes for more than a couple of hours at a time. You are not the only mamma who longs for a cup of coffee that is still hot when you finish it or for a meal the temperature it was intended to be.
You are not the first mom to wonder if you are doing something wrong when that sweet bundle of joy in your arms is anything but sweet, when all he does is cry. You aren't the only one who wonders at times why you thought becoming a mom seemed so glamorous before the baby came along and now it just seems loud and exhausting and not glamorous at all.
I don't think I could say it loud enough, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I've been there too. I've been the mom living in fear of not being enough for these tiny little ones who needed everything done for them and most of it needed to be done by me. I've been the mom who tried to sneak into the shower while the baby was sleeping blissfully only to hear his cries the moment I got under the warm water.
During those days with babies and toddlers hanging on me as if they were superglued to my side I looked forward to two things that helped me through those times. One was going to the grocery store. Before you stop reading and assume that I've completely lost my mind because no mom in her right mind wants to load up kids in carseats to go to the store, listen to the reason. I specifically went to one King Soopers, the one close enough to the retirement community that its aisles were always filled with little old ladies. Every single time I went in with kids in tow some beautiful old lady would touch my arm and remind me that I was going to make it through these days. I can't tell you how many times I heard stories like, "Oh, I remember trying to shop with all of my kids too. Those were hard days but so worth it. You're doing a great job mamma. You're going to make it through this." Those old ladies were my strength on days when I wasn't sure how to cope. They reminded me that motherhood is hard but it is also beautiful and worth it. A few times, on difficult days, I even made up reasons to go to the grocery store just to hear their words of encouragement.
The other thing that I looked forward to with a passion was MOPS (mother's of preschoolers). To sit a table with other moms who were sleep deprived, and leaking in awkward places, with dried baby food in their hair was refreshing. To walk in crying when my husband lost his job and to have arms surround me showed me we had a support network. When I was ill, these moms brought my family dinner. During rough financial times they sent encouraging notes and grocery gift cards. When I was on bed rest during my second pregnancy they came and cleaned my house top to bottom for me so that I wouldn't be stressed about it. MOPS saved my sanity, made me a better wife and mother, helped me to see myself as a beautiful daughter of the King, encouraged me as a woman, proved that there really was a leader in this mess of a woman and pulled her out, and brought me some amazing lifelong friends.
So, my dear new mom (and those of you whose babies now sleep through the night but you still wonder if they will ever pee in the toilet or buckle their own seatbelts) I have this encouragement for you; you will one day sleep again. You will make it through this season, this beautiful and crazy and often messy season of mothering. And I have this advice for you; find a grocery store where the old ladies shop. They love to reminisce and they are great encouragers. And the second bit of advice, find yourself a MOPS group where you can be real about your own beautiful mess!
Though I can't help you find the right grocery store, I can help you get to MOPS. MOPS International has given me the opportunity to give away one free membership ($23.95 value). Here is how the giveaway works. Leave me a comment and tell me 1. your name (crazy how I would need that information to give you something, isn't it?) 2. the part of motherhood that is currently overwhelming 3. the part of mothering that is currently the most beautiful (yes, it is ok to say when the baby is finally asleep!) The winner will be selected on Friday September 27 as part of my family's Friday Fun Night. As the mom of all boys the choosing of the winner will involve lots of fun and laughter and possibly either Nerf guns or Regurgitating Rico (the Penguins of Madagascar toy that shoots yellow "popcorn" balls out of Rico's mouth).
*Disclaimer: you don't have to be the mom to win but you do have to have someone in mind to give the membership to. So if you're a dad and your wife needs MOPS, tell me about it. Tell me what makes your wife an amazing mom. If you're a Grandma and your daughter needs MOPS, tell me about it. Tell me about why she needs MOPS. If you're an auntie and your sister needs MOPS, tell me about it. I think you get the picture. I don't want any mom to miss out on what was one of the most amazing experiences of my early mothering years just because it's someone else who is reading this instead of her!
I see you, bleary eyed and exhausted. And I remember being you. When you nearly shoved your newborn in my arms for a break from her crying, I remembered nearly shoving my own newborn in another been there-done that mamma's arms so that I could have a break.
When you asked if she would ever sleep, I chuckled. Not because I thought the question was funny but because it brought back the memory of the day my husband came home from work to see me with tears streaming down my cheeks and me saying, "I'm never going to sleep again as long as I live!" I remember sobbing and feeling so alone. I remember being convinced that life would never be "normal" again.
Let me tell you this, you are not alone. You are not the only mother to wonder if you will ever again close your eyes for more than a couple of hours at a time. You are not the only mamma who longs for a cup of coffee that is still hot when you finish it or for a meal the temperature it was intended to be.
You are not the first mom to wonder if you are doing something wrong when that sweet bundle of joy in your arms is anything but sweet, when all he does is cry. You aren't the only one who wonders at times why you thought becoming a mom seemed so glamorous before the baby came along and now it just seems loud and exhausting and not glamorous at all.
I don't think I could say it loud enough, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I've been there too. I've been the mom living in fear of not being enough for these tiny little ones who needed everything done for them and most of it needed to be done by me. I've been the mom who tried to sneak into the shower while the baby was sleeping blissfully only to hear his cries the moment I got under the warm water.
During those days with babies and toddlers hanging on me as if they were superglued to my side I looked forward to two things that helped me through those times. One was going to the grocery store. Before you stop reading and assume that I've completely lost my mind because no mom in her right mind wants to load up kids in carseats to go to the store, listen to the reason. I specifically went to one King Soopers, the one close enough to the retirement community that its aisles were always filled with little old ladies. Every single time I went in with kids in tow some beautiful old lady would touch my arm and remind me that I was going to make it through these days. I can't tell you how many times I heard stories like, "Oh, I remember trying to shop with all of my kids too. Those were hard days but so worth it. You're doing a great job mamma. You're going to make it through this." Those old ladies were my strength on days when I wasn't sure how to cope. They reminded me that motherhood is hard but it is also beautiful and worth it. A few times, on difficult days, I even made up reasons to go to the grocery store just to hear their words of encouragement.
The other thing that I looked forward to with a passion was MOPS (mother's of preschoolers). To sit a table with other moms who were sleep deprived, and leaking in awkward places, with dried baby food in their hair was refreshing. To walk in crying when my husband lost his job and to have arms surround me showed me we had a support network. When I was ill, these moms brought my family dinner. During rough financial times they sent encouraging notes and grocery gift cards. When I was on bed rest during my second pregnancy they came and cleaned my house top to bottom for me so that I wouldn't be stressed about it. MOPS saved my sanity, made me a better wife and mother, helped me to see myself as a beautiful daughter of the King, encouraged me as a woman, proved that there really was a leader in this mess of a woman and pulled her out, and brought me some amazing lifelong friends.
So, my dear new mom (and those of you whose babies now sleep through the night but you still wonder if they will ever pee in the toilet or buckle their own seatbelts) I have this encouragement for you; you will one day sleep again. You will make it through this season, this beautiful and crazy and often messy season of mothering. And I have this advice for you; find a grocery store where the old ladies shop. They love to reminisce and they are great encouragers. And the second bit of advice, find yourself a MOPS group where you can be real about your own beautiful mess!
Though I can't help you find the right grocery store, I can help you get to MOPS. MOPS International has given me the opportunity to give away one free membership ($23.95 value). Here is how the giveaway works. Leave me a comment and tell me 1. your name (crazy how I would need that information to give you something, isn't it?) 2. the part of motherhood that is currently overwhelming 3. the part of mothering that is currently the most beautiful (yes, it is ok to say when the baby is finally asleep!) The winner will be selected on Friday September 27 as part of my family's Friday Fun Night. As the mom of all boys the choosing of the winner will involve lots of fun and laughter and possibly either Nerf guns or Regurgitating Rico (the Penguins of Madagascar toy that shoots yellow "popcorn" balls out of Rico's mouth).
*Disclaimer: you don't have to be the mom to win but you do have to have someone in mind to give the membership to. So if you're a dad and your wife needs MOPS, tell me about it. Tell me what makes your wife an amazing mom. If you're a Grandma and your daughter needs MOPS, tell me about it. Tell me about why she needs MOPS. If you're an auntie and your sister needs MOPS, tell me about it. I think you get the picture. I don't want any mom to miss out on what was one of the most amazing experiences of my early mothering years just because it's someone else who is reading this instead of her!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Things our sons need to know because our daughters need to hear
As my sons get older I realize there are some things they be to hear. There are things I've said since they started talking like, "Marry a girl who loves your mama" and "Someday when you are a dad the 2 greatest things you can do for your children is introduce them to Jesus and love their mama." The list of things I think my boys need to hear is growing longer.
Last month I was trying on clothes and seeking my husbands opinion on the new clothes. I noticed my son intently watching our dialog. I looked him in the eyes and told him something every boy needs to know.
"Son, someday there will be a beautiful girl in your life. She will ask you about her clothes, probably often. Learn from your daddy's example. In that moment your job is to remind her that it is not the clothes that make her beautiful but rather she makes the clothes beautiful. She is asking about the clothes because she wants to know you find her beautiful. Your opinion will matter to her more than anyone else's so tell her often how beautiful she is."
He shrugged but I felt like he actually heard it. I'm sure he filed it in his brain somewhere. Someday I hope that my daughter in laws will feel as amazingly loved, treasured and protected as my husband has made me feel. I'm so grateful for the example that Hubby has set for our sons and for the gentle way that he loves me and protects me and I pray that my sons will grow up to love their wives in the same way.
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