I feel slightly torn. The Lord has been "nudging" me for a few months now. Originally I pushed the nudging to the side, I didn't realize that it was HIM nudging. Now it has been hitting me more frequently and much more distinctively. "It's time to move on." These are words that I severely dislike. Background on that, we moved around a lot when I was a kid. Nope, not military, just moved a lot. Every time I felt like I was getting settled in, we would change houses or schools once again. There was a lot of uprooting and then having to go through the process of settling in once again. So, understandably, hearing the Lord say "it's time to move on" is not my idea of fun. I like where I am, I don't really want to leave. I have also tried pushing the nudging aside thinking that maybe my discontentment may be coming from a different source. Maybe I need to get some things in line in my own heart, maybe discontentment is God telling me that I need more of Him and less of me?
I had a high school reunion this weekend. (Not a tangent, I swear! Give me a minute and you'll see where I am going.) My husband and I sat with an old friend and his wife. This friend is now a pastor of a VERY small church starting out. We thoroughly enjoyed every minute of the reunion and especially the company at our table. In the car on the way home, I felt the nudging stronger than I had up to this point. Ok, God, I'm going to say it and see what my hubby thinks. After all, he IS the spiritual head of our house. If he says that I am way off base then I will honor what he says. So I jump right into it. "Honey, I have been feeling this for a couple of months now and so I want to hear your thoughts on it. I think God is leading us to a new church home." Breath held, what will he say? My husband simply agreed. He has been feeling the nudging too. He also has been wondering if he was hearing the Lord or just feeling discontent. Then I asked, "Do you want to check out Ryan's church sometime?" My husband says he was about to say those very words. Ok, now it is getting weird, God weird, but nonetheless, weird!
So here is the part that is hard for me about this whole thing. I LOVE our church! Our pastor is wonderful, I really like the teachings and the way our church takes loving people and winning our city for Christ seriously. I have made some amazing friends and have found "extended family". I am excited about our church's vision and direction. In my human mind, there is no earthly reason to leave. That's just it, no earthly reason so it must be a heavenly reason right? I know He has a plan though I'm not entirely certain what it is.
Because God knows me so well as to know that confirmation from my hubby would help but not be enough to completely seal the deal for me, He gave me other confirmation as well. The very next morning I was reading (in a random spot of the Bible, no less!) Genesis 12. The first 2 verses of the chapter are what caught me the most, " 1 The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.
2 "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing." WOW! Now you need to know that the cry of my heart is to be a blessing. I want God to use me, I want His best, not my best.
So, my husband and I are doing what Abram did. We are packing up our bags and walking to an unknown destination. We will stop when we hear the still small voice show us the place that He wants us. I don't know if we will stop at Ryan's church or if the Lord will ask us to keep walking. I don't know what this looks like, but I know that God's hand is at the center of it. Though I am bummed to be leaving wonderful things behind, I am excited to see what God has in store for our lives. I am not leaving my MOPS group. I am actually getting more involved with that and I feel peace about it. My kids are a little nervous, this is the only church they have ever really known. I know though that obedience brings much greater reward and I trust that the Lord's plan for us is good. It could be an interesting journey though!