Today was an interestingly fabulous day. This morning my kiddos woke me at 5:30. I'm not a morning person at all so the timing was a bit rough. My sweetie put in a movie for them and they let us go back to sleep until about 7:30. While hubby and I got 2 extra hours of sleep, my kids did not and cranky is an accurate description of them. While listening to the umpteenth argument of the day, I decided it was a good time to start my day with prayer. I prayed that the Lord would give me godly wisdom in dealing with my children today, that He would give me extra grace for the day, that I would love my children the way He does and that I would be able to keep my cool. I am pleased to say, that prayer was answered. The day progressed with no significant mishaps (just ruining the last cup of coffee in the house with spoiled half and half and then the same old sibling fights that had been already going on.) My oldest decided just before dinner time was a great time to get really lippy and nasty with me. While he was in timeout, I thought of a facebook update I read today. My friends son used the "I hate you" card for the first time. Someone commented on her post that words are like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube. As I thought of this, a stroke of genius hit me. After timeout when we were talking about his attitude and words I pulled him into the bathroom with me. I had a sample tube of toothpaste from the dentist and I had my son squeeze out the entire tube onto a plastic bag. He told me he didn't understand but he squeezed out the entire tube. Then I asked him to put it all back into the tube. He looked at me again and said, "I don't get it." But he tried only to realize that it is quite impossible to refill the toothpaste tube. Then we sat and talked about it. I asked him how easy was it to squeeze the toothpaste out. He said very. I told him that was like his words. They come out easily when he doesn't think before he speaks. Then I asked how easy was it to put the toothpaste back in. His eyes got huge and he said it wasn't easy at all and that it actually made a bigger mess. Exactly my point. We can apologize for our words but we can never take them back. Sometimes trying to take back the words and hurt we have caused actually makes a bigger mess. Once the words (and the toothpaste) were out, there was no putting them back in. It didn't matter how much you wish you hadn't squeezed the toothpaste, that did not change the fact that toothpaste was out. Our words are the same, no matter how much we regret them or want to take them back into our mouths never said, they still can cause a mess. Once they have left the mouth, they cannot be reclaimed and the best you can hope for is forgiveness. One more good example of why we need to think before we speak! I think he got the lesson, but of equal importance I know I did!
Ephesians 4:29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
favoritist movie in the whole wide world!
Tonight I opted once the family was in bed to tackle a stack of ironing and watch the end of one of my favorite favorite movies, Anne of Green Gables. First of all, that was the most ironing my poor iron has seen at one shot in over 5 yrs! I can always find more important things than ironing and usually I iron as I need something rather than ironing before I hang the clothes in the closet. It's kinda a nice feeling to have shirts in the closets that we can just grab and go now!
I am so utterly enthralled with Anne of Green Gables. I remember my mom reading me the whole series when I was little. I re-read the books several times growing up and I remember the first time I saw the movie. It was on PBS during a pledge-a-thon. I was so thrilled to see my favorite books on film, and so beautifully and accurately reproduced! It was like Anne had jumped out of the book and became real. It remains one of my favorite movies of all time. My darling husband bought the 4 disc dvd series of it for me for Valentines day. He remembered that I had gotten the movie once from the library and had stopped to look at it in Costco a few times so he got it. I cried. Yes, such a girl thing, but I did. Words cannot express what this gift meant to me. To him it was something I would enjoy, to me it was the most fitting and beloved Valentines gift I have ever received (with the exception of my engagement ring!) To me it is the epitome of romance and treasured childhood memories. To me it was a gift that said, "I know you."
Ok, so now you know my obsession with Anne and where it stems from. Tonight as I was watching disc 3 (part 2 of Anne of Green Gables The Sequel) I was just as enraptured as always. I have two favorite parts. The first is when Anne is talking to Katherine Brooks asking her to come to Green Gables for holiday. Katherine is a prickly difficult teacher who hates teaching and hates her life. She is constantly finding the negative in everything and tries to bring those around her down as well. Katherine finally accepts and says that Anne can go about her pretending to be excited and how they will have a great time. Anne responds with, "I am delighted but as for having a great time, that will be entirely up to you!" This is a lesson I tell my kids often, so often in fact that they really hate hearing it. Fun is an attitude not an activity. I had fun ironing tonight, not because ironing is fun but because I decided that I wanted to enjoy my evening. I put a time limit on myself so I wouldn't feel overwhelmed but I was enjoying my time in a quiet house with a favorite movie that I ended up ironing the entire pile! Fun was in my attitude not in my circumstances.
The other favorite part is at the end when she and Gilbert Blythe are talking about her book on Avonlea. She tells him that she will be staying in Avonlea instead of going back to teach in the town where she had been for the last year. And then she tells him this, "I went looking for my dreams outside of myself and I realized that it's not what the world holds for you, it's what you bring to it." This is pretty common for women, and I can totally relate. We women tend to romanticize things so much that we overlook the beauty all around us. I had people ask me for a couple of years before I started dating Hubby why I didn't date him. My answer was always "He's just my best friend. It would be weird to date him." I had visions of prince charming riding in on a white horse that kept me from seeing that my prince charming was standing right in front of me. For a time right after high school and until I got married, actually, I went on a romance novel boycott. I never read trashy novels, as a matter of fact they were usually Christian romance that I read. But I decided that romance novels do to women what porn does to men, they give unrealistic expectations of what you are looking for in someone special. I realized that I was so obsessed with finding the man of my dreams that I had composed in my head. In my head I had the perfect boyfriend and was perpetually disappointed when the boys I dated were not that man. I didn't realize that I loved Hubby as much as I did (and still do!) because I had a prewired prediction of what romance was. I was looking for my dreams outside of myself. You know when I realized Hubby was "the one"? One day I called him as soon as I got home from work to tell him a joke I had heard at work. As the phone rang I suddenly realized that Hubby was (and still is!) my very best friend in the whole world. He was the first person I called when I wanted to share a funny, the first I called when I had a crummy day, the first I called when I had exciting news, when I wanted to hang out, when I just needed to vent. A voice in my head said, "Didn't you always want to marry your best friend?" and a light clicked on in my head. Hubby is my prince charming! I had so many romantic ideals that I didn't see the love of my life standing right in front of me pursuing me and romancing me!
I love the movie. I think it is the most beautiful film I have ever seen. It makes me laugh and makes me cry and makes me love my hubby even more. Hubby is my Gilbert Blythe, the man I dreamed about my whole life, the man who pursues me, loves me and protects me. He encourages me to "write about Avonlea", to be true to myself. He, just like Gil with Anne, pursued me even when I was trying to convince us both that it could never work because we were just too good of friends. Is there anything better in the entire world than being loved for who you are and without conditions? Man am I blessed to have a husband who embodies Christs love for me, as I am and without conditions!
I am so utterly enthralled with Anne of Green Gables. I remember my mom reading me the whole series when I was little. I re-read the books several times growing up and I remember the first time I saw the movie. It was on PBS during a pledge-a-thon. I was so thrilled to see my favorite books on film, and so beautifully and accurately reproduced! It was like Anne had jumped out of the book and became real. It remains one of my favorite movies of all time. My darling husband bought the 4 disc dvd series of it for me for Valentines day. He remembered that I had gotten the movie once from the library and had stopped to look at it in Costco a few times so he got it. I cried. Yes, such a girl thing, but I did. Words cannot express what this gift meant to me. To him it was something I would enjoy, to me it was the most fitting and beloved Valentines gift I have ever received (with the exception of my engagement ring!) To me it is the epitome of romance and treasured childhood memories. To me it was a gift that said, "I know you."
Ok, so now you know my obsession with Anne and where it stems from. Tonight as I was watching disc 3 (part 2 of Anne of Green Gables The Sequel) I was just as enraptured as always. I have two favorite parts. The first is when Anne is talking to Katherine Brooks asking her to come to Green Gables for holiday. Katherine is a prickly difficult teacher who hates teaching and hates her life. She is constantly finding the negative in everything and tries to bring those around her down as well. Katherine finally accepts and says that Anne can go about her pretending to be excited and how they will have a great time. Anne responds with, "I am delighted but as for having a great time, that will be entirely up to you!" This is a lesson I tell my kids often, so often in fact that they really hate hearing it. Fun is an attitude not an activity. I had fun ironing tonight, not because ironing is fun but because I decided that I wanted to enjoy my evening. I put a time limit on myself so I wouldn't feel overwhelmed but I was enjoying my time in a quiet house with a favorite movie that I ended up ironing the entire pile! Fun was in my attitude not in my circumstances.
The other favorite part is at the end when she and Gilbert Blythe are talking about her book on Avonlea. She tells him that she will be staying in Avonlea instead of going back to teach in the town where she had been for the last year. And then she tells him this, "I went looking for my dreams outside of myself and I realized that it's not what the world holds for you, it's what you bring to it." This is pretty common for women, and I can totally relate. We women tend to romanticize things so much that we overlook the beauty all around us. I had people ask me for a couple of years before I started dating Hubby why I didn't date him. My answer was always "He's just my best friend. It would be weird to date him." I had visions of prince charming riding in on a white horse that kept me from seeing that my prince charming was standing right in front of me. For a time right after high school and until I got married, actually, I went on a romance novel boycott. I never read trashy novels, as a matter of fact they were usually Christian romance that I read. But I decided that romance novels do to women what porn does to men, they give unrealistic expectations of what you are looking for in someone special. I realized that I was so obsessed with finding the man of my dreams that I had composed in my head. In my head I had the perfect boyfriend and was perpetually disappointed when the boys I dated were not that man. I didn't realize that I loved Hubby as much as I did (and still do!) because I had a prewired prediction of what romance was. I was looking for my dreams outside of myself. You know when I realized Hubby was "the one"? One day I called him as soon as I got home from work to tell him a joke I had heard at work. As the phone rang I suddenly realized that Hubby was (and still is!) my very best friend in the whole world. He was the first person I called when I wanted to share a funny, the first I called when I had a crummy day, the first I called when I had exciting news, when I wanted to hang out, when I just needed to vent. A voice in my head said, "Didn't you always want to marry your best friend?" and a light clicked on in my head. Hubby is my prince charming! I had so many romantic ideals that I didn't see the love of my life standing right in front of me pursuing me and romancing me!
I love the movie. I think it is the most beautiful film I have ever seen. It makes me laugh and makes me cry and makes me love my hubby even more. Hubby is my Gilbert Blythe, the man I dreamed about my whole life, the man who pursues me, loves me and protects me. He encourages me to "write about Avonlea", to be true to myself. He, just like Gil with Anne, pursued me even when I was trying to convince us both that it could never work because we were just too good of friends. Is there anything better in the entire world than being loved for who you are and without conditions? Man am I blessed to have a husband who embodies Christs love for me, as I am and without conditions!
Friday, June 19, 2009
lessons form the e.r.
It's been a long week and I am officially tired of seeing the wonderful staff at SkyRidge hospital. This evening W got angry and threw sand at Ev. Lots of the sand went in Ev's eyes. My poor little boy was screaming and screaming and screaming. We did our best to flush his eyes but at 4 it is difficult to understand and to stay still. I thought I had gotten it all out. Ev fell asleep on my lap after dinner but woke up rather abruptly screaming that his eyes hurt. I pulled back his eyelid to see that there was still a nice amount of sand in there. I called the pediatrician, they say go to the e.r. to have his eyes flushed and to do a test to make sure the cornea wasn't scratched. Hubby stayed with the other 2 kids (it was after all, past bedtime by this point.) As I walked in with Ev who was now happy and smiling again, I couldn't help but think, "Weren't we just here with Daddy? They must know my name by now!" I also wondered how this hospital has already eaten up our FSA through the insurance. So much for the hearing aids, they must wait till next year I suppose. But I digress.
So my outgoing little boy has made friends with 2 people in the waiting room, the front desk staff, both triage nurses, the e.r. doctor, the pediatric nurses and the boy in the room to the left of us before they even treat him. He tried terribly hard to convince the doctor that he felt all better and she didn't need to look at his eyes anymore. When she put the numbing drops in his eyes I had to help hold him down. I leaned over his legs and held his hands while the nurse held his head still and his eye open. He screamed and tried to kick and did everything he could to get us off of him. Then they had to put the dye in his eye so they could check for corneal scratching. Again we all held him and this time he screams, "I want my Daddy!" Talk about heart wrenching! Thankfully the scratches that are on his cornea are all superficial and will heal quickly. Then they have to rinse his eyes out. This was the worst part. Two male nurses, both significantly big men and bigger than Daddy, were needed to do this part. One held Ev's head and thought that having Ev lay on his hands would keep him from moving them. I know better so again I helped hold down my son so they could treat him. He was screaming, begging us to stop hurting his eyes. It was a mother's nightmare, hearing your child beg you to stop hurting him when you know that what is happening is actually not hurting but helping.
This isn't the first time that I have walked this road with one of my children. When W was 3 we had an experience that also involved me holding him down for a doctor to treat a wound. He looked me in the eyes, crying and said, "Mommy, please tell my doctor to stop hurting me! Please tell her NOW!" Nothing is harder as a parent. I also have had to hold JJ down for various medical testing. My children look to me to protect them and at that moment, in their eyes not only was I not protecting them, I was helping someone hurt them. But I knew something that they didn't. I know that had the sand remained in Ev's eyes the scratches could have become deeper and caused serious damage. I know that what Ev saw as hurting him was actually helping him. I saw the big picture. Because I saw the big picture, I knew that temporary pain was necessary to help his eyes heal. Because I saw the big picture, I held him down and forced him to experience something he didn't like to avoid something that could have been dangerous.
Do you think that someone else may see the bigger picture? Do you think it could be possible that sometimes God allows us to go through uncomfortable or even painful things because He knows that if we stay on the path of destruction that a much worse fate awaits us? I didn't hold my children down because I enjoy hearing them scream or because I have fun seeing them hurt. I held them down so that they could get the medical treatment that they needed to heal. I held them down so that there wasn't permanent damage done to their bodies. I was actually protecting them though I know they didn't see it that way at the time. My question is this, how often is our Father also allowing us to experience something yucky, something that we may have seen as Him not protecting us or maybe even as Him hurting us, so that He can keep us from permanent damage? Though it is not fun to hurt, maybe just maybe, not everything that hurts is bad after all.
So my outgoing little boy has made friends with 2 people in the waiting room, the front desk staff, both triage nurses, the e.r. doctor, the pediatric nurses and the boy in the room to the left of us before they even treat him. He tried terribly hard to convince the doctor that he felt all better and she didn't need to look at his eyes anymore. When she put the numbing drops in his eyes I had to help hold him down. I leaned over his legs and held his hands while the nurse held his head still and his eye open. He screamed and tried to kick and did everything he could to get us off of him. Then they had to put the dye in his eye so they could check for corneal scratching. Again we all held him and this time he screams, "I want my Daddy!" Talk about heart wrenching! Thankfully the scratches that are on his cornea are all superficial and will heal quickly. Then they have to rinse his eyes out. This was the worst part. Two male nurses, both significantly big men and bigger than Daddy, were needed to do this part. One held Ev's head and thought that having Ev lay on his hands would keep him from moving them. I know better so again I helped hold down my son so they could treat him. He was screaming, begging us to stop hurting his eyes. It was a mother's nightmare, hearing your child beg you to stop hurting him when you know that what is happening is actually not hurting but helping.
This isn't the first time that I have walked this road with one of my children. When W was 3 we had an experience that also involved me holding him down for a doctor to treat a wound. He looked me in the eyes, crying and said, "Mommy, please tell my doctor to stop hurting me! Please tell her NOW!" Nothing is harder as a parent. I also have had to hold JJ down for various medical testing. My children look to me to protect them and at that moment, in their eyes not only was I not protecting them, I was helping someone hurt them. But I knew something that they didn't. I know that had the sand remained in Ev's eyes the scratches could have become deeper and caused serious damage. I know that what Ev saw as hurting him was actually helping him. I saw the big picture. Because I saw the big picture, I knew that temporary pain was necessary to help his eyes heal. Because I saw the big picture, I held him down and forced him to experience something he didn't like to avoid something that could have been dangerous.
Do you think that someone else may see the bigger picture? Do you think it could be possible that sometimes God allows us to go through uncomfortable or even painful things because He knows that if we stay on the path of destruction that a much worse fate awaits us? I didn't hold my children down because I enjoy hearing them scream or because I have fun seeing them hurt. I held them down so that they could get the medical treatment that they needed to heal. I held them down so that there wasn't permanent damage done to their bodies. I was actually protecting them though I know they didn't see it that way at the time. My question is this, how often is our Father also allowing us to experience something yucky, something that we may have seen as Him not protecting us or maybe even as Him hurting us, so that He can keep us from permanent damage? Though it is not fun to hurt, maybe just maybe, not everything that hurts is bad after all.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
mistakes vs. miracles
I believe fully in the sanctity of life. I believe that God is the author of life and that He in His infinite wisdom does not make mistakes! An unplanned child is not always an unwanted child. An unplanned child is not a mistake. God does not make mistakes, He makes miracles. There have been many amazing people who were once thought to be "mistakes." One of them is very special to me. My Grandma believed my dad to be a mistake. Those of you who know my dad know that nothing could be further from the truth. My dad is an amazing man who would go out of his way to help anyone, he is kind and loving and has influenced many many people. He is not famous, not a pro athlete, not a movie star, not a politician, not even particularly wealthy. Does that make him less valuable? Never! I still cannot step into his church without hearing at least once, "Oh, you're Dad's daughter!" Ask the people who he has had visions of and interceded for tirelessly until their situation changed, if he was a mistake or a miracle. Ask the men who he regularly meets with to pray, or the people who he has worked with over the years, his employers, his neighbors, his friends and his daughter, if we think he is less important or less valuable because he was a "mistake." A resounding no will be everyones answer. Though at the time his mom didn't appreciate that he was a miracle, that didn't change the fact that he was and is created in the image of God. Had abortion been legal when my grandmother was pregnant, I would not be here today. I'm kinda tired of hearing how everyone would get abortions on demand whether it were legal or not. I'm not downplaying the women who did indeed have illegal abortions and had serious medical problems and even death. I know it happened. What so many refuse to acknowledge though is that it still happens. I knew someone who had more than one "back ally abortion" because she was afraid that if she went to the doctor, her parents would find out. What about though, all the women like my grandma who didn't have an abortion because it wasn't legal? I have a few friends who have had abortions and I know in each of their cases that had it been illegal, they would not have gone that road. I know that I will offend some of you with this post and though my intentions are not to offend, I don't apologize for my stand. As the daughter of a man who was considered a mistake and is the farthest thing from a mistake that I have ever known, I can say with conviction and passion that I do not believe that God makes mistakes, only miracles. Ps 127:3 "Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. " Notice that it doesn't give conditions. It's not children who are of wealthy families, or born of ideal circumstances, or even planned and desired children that are a gift from the Lord; it is all children! Yes, even the ones conceived from rape and incest, even the ones whose parents don't know how they will feed another mouth, even the ones who die in utero/early in infancy/childhood, even the ones conceived in adultery, even the ones who's parents think the child is a mistake, they are all gifts from the Lord, blessings and miracles. I am tired of maternal rights that take away the child's right. Remember this one, I'm sure you will,
“We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty,and the pursuit of happiness."These words are from our Declaration of Independence. These words say that in this country every person is given an unalienable right to life. I have carried 3 children. I have felt life move within me. I saw a heart beat, brain and spine via ultrasound at the tender age of 5 1/2 wks gestation. Don't tell me that it isn't a life, I know better. Or shall we look at the fact that all are created equal. If that is truth, then please explain why a woman's "reproductive rights" supersede the child's right to life. I am PRO-LIFE and not ashamed of that fact. I am however tired of being referred to as anti-choice when I make my stand that each and every life has value. I don't condemn my friends who chose abortion. I know that it is between them and God and not my place nor my desire to bring judgement. I love them the same as I did before their choice. I have no interest in hate mongering, in shooting abortion providers, or in condemning those who have experienced the fear and uncertainty of unplanned pregnancy and made a choice based on that fear. I believe in a Jesus who forgave prostitutes and tax collectors. I believe in a Jesus who's "loving kindness draws us to repentance," not in a God who angrily awaits the day when He can give us "what for" for our mistakes. I do believe that abortion is murder and therefore a sin but here is something else I believe. I believe that when I gossip and tear down someone else, that is also a sin. What about hate? 1 John 3:15 "Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer." I'm not one who believes that I am a better person because I believe in life. I know that I sin and fall short of the glory of God, daily. My sins are no different in the eyes of God and therefore I will not make them different in my eyes. I will continue to fight for the unborn. I will continue to be passionate about my belief that God is the author of all life. But that doesn't make me "anti-choice" it makes me "pro-life."
“We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty,and the pursuit of happiness."These words are from our Declaration of Independence. These words say that in this country every person is given an unalienable right to life. I have carried 3 children. I have felt life move within me. I saw a heart beat, brain and spine via ultrasound at the tender age of 5 1/2 wks gestation. Don't tell me that it isn't a life, I know better. Or shall we look at the fact that all are created equal. If that is truth, then please explain why a woman's "reproductive rights" supersede the child's right to life. I am PRO-LIFE and not ashamed of that fact. I am however tired of being referred to as anti-choice when I make my stand that each and every life has value. I don't condemn my friends who chose abortion. I know that it is between them and God and not my place nor my desire to bring judgement. I love them the same as I did before their choice. I have no interest in hate mongering, in shooting abortion providers, or in condemning those who have experienced the fear and uncertainty of unplanned pregnancy and made a choice based on that fear. I believe in a Jesus who forgave prostitutes and tax collectors. I believe in a Jesus who's "loving kindness draws us to repentance," not in a God who angrily awaits the day when He can give us "what for" for our mistakes. I do believe that abortion is murder and therefore a sin but here is something else I believe. I believe that when I gossip and tear down someone else, that is also a sin. What about hate? 1 John 3:15 "Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer." I'm not one who believes that I am a better person because I believe in life. I know that I sin and fall short of the glory of God, daily. My sins are no different in the eyes of God and therefore I will not make them different in my eyes. I will continue to fight for the unborn. I will continue to be passionate about my belief that God is the author of all life. But that doesn't make me "anti-choice" it makes me "pro-life."
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
maybe too late at night?
I'm feeling random right now. I'm pretty excited about something. I have had an idea on my mind for a while. I've hesitated in sharing that idea with my husband for fear that he would immediately shoot it down. This morning I finally decided I'd get his opinion and I got a much happier reception than I thought I would. I know, I'm being vague again, but today it suits me. We have some things that need our immediate attention so we will revisit the idea again once our attention does not need to be so scattered.
I am also intrigued by a friend right now. Well, he is more of an acquaintance, really. He is someone who I knew back when I was in high school but not someone I was ever close with. I just spent the last hour reading his blog from the last couple of years. I find some of his ideas to be rather interesting and my brain is now stimulated to look into some of the things he mentioned. We have differing political views on some things, but I have differing political views with many of my friends. I am fascinated by his theology as well. So now I have something new to research, just in case I ever find any spare time. ;) I enjoy hearing what molds peoples opinions and why people think the way they do. He gave me some good starting points to understand why he believes the way he does.
I have decided that what was originally going to be a blog about hope may need to be done in parts. I am learning enough to fill a thesis rather than a short blog. Who knew that tripping across one little verse could occupy so much of my heart, brain and time. (I do mean tripped over the verse, it was on the only page of my Bible that I have to keep putting back in because it is no longer attached to the binding!) I am studying what it means to put my hope in the Lord and am completely enthralled.
I also caught up on the ministry of a friend who I have known since I was a child. She has an amazing ministry and it was wonderful to see how the Lord is moving through her. Oddly enough, I found it because her daughter's blog is one of my favorites to read. (I haven't quite figured out how to include the link in my post but it is The Spirit and Truth Study in the blogs I follow under view my complete profile, for anyone who is interested in checking it out.)
I continue to daily be amazed that the Lord desires me, loves me and wants to be intimately involved in my life. My life is not glamorous. My job is to wipe faces and tushes, feed mouths, drive to playdates, try to keep up with the dishes, the laundry, the lawn mowing and all those other tedious chores. I live the life of a stay at home mom. It may not be glamorous but the pay is great! In the midst of my jeans and t-shirts, messy house and less than perfect parenting, my Jesus still is interested in my life! He still brings redemption to my screw ups. That is testimony to Him, definitely not me. Somehow He bridges the gap of my mistakes and fills in all the holes that I leave as a good imperfect parent. What a lovely thought! My savior loves me just the way I am and yet still gently molds me into what He wants me to be.
So on all of those random notes, I think maybe I should get to bed before Hubby's alarm clock goes off! Sleep is a good thing that I don't take advantage of nearly enough!
I am also intrigued by a friend right now. Well, he is more of an acquaintance, really. He is someone who I knew back when I was in high school but not someone I was ever close with. I just spent the last hour reading his blog from the last couple of years. I find some of his ideas to be rather interesting and my brain is now stimulated to look into some of the things he mentioned. We have differing political views on some things, but I have differing political views with many of my friends. I am fascinated by his theology as well. So now I have something new to research, just in case I ever find any spare time. ;) I enjoy hearing what molds peoples opinions and why people think the way they do. He gave me some good starting points to understand why he believes the way he does.
I have decided that what was originally going to be a blog about hope may need to be done in parts. I am learning enough to fill a thesis rather than a short blog. Who knew that tripping across one little verse could occupy so much of my heart, brain and time. (I do mean tripped over the verse, it was on the only page of my Bible that I have to keep putting back in because it is no longer attached to the binding!) I am studying what it means to put my hope in the Lord and am completely enthralled.
I also caught up on the ministry of a friend who I have known since I was a child. She has an amazing ministry and it was wonderful to see how the Lord is moving through her. Oddly enough, I found it because her daughter's blog is one of my favorites to read. (I haven't quite figured out how to include the link in my post but it is The Spirit and Truth Study in the blogs I follow under view my complete profile, for anyone who is interested in checking it out.)
I continue to daily be amazed that the Lord desires me, loves me and wants to be intimately involved in my life. My life is not glamorous. My job is to wipe faces and tushes, feed mouths, drive to playdates, try to keep up with the dishes, the laundry, the lawn mowing and all those other tedious chores. I live the life of a stay at home mom. It may not be glamorous but the pay is great! In the midst of my jeans and t-shirts, messy house and less than perfect parenting, my Jesus still is interested in my life! He still brings redemption to my screw ups. That is testimony to Him, definitely not me. Somehow He bridges the gap of my mistakes and fills in all the holes that I leave as a good imperfect parent. What a lovely thought! My savior loves me just the way I am and yet still gently molds me into what He wants me to be.
So on all of those random notes, I think maybe I should get to bed before Hubby's alarm clock goes off! Sleep is a good thing that I don't take advantage of nearly enough!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
consider it pure joy
I guess I should start with a church update. We have been going to my friend Ryan's church since my post "keep walking". I have really enjoyed it and today for the first time Ethan was able to join me. We both feel that even if it is not our permanent home, we are meant to be there right now. My kids are actually excited, which is very fun to see. They ask every week when I say we are going to church if we can go to Ryan's church. I haven't seen them actually excited about church in some time.
The sermon this morning was very interesting and left me with a lot to think about. Ryan is currently doing a series in Revelation about the 7 churches. Today was Smyrna. Here is what intrigued me, Rev 2:10-11 "Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life. He who has an ear let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. He who overcomes will not be hurt at all by the second death." The Smyrnan church was not told, "Gee, I love you so I'm not going to let you suffer." Jesus told them that they will suffer, but that He would be with them through the suffering. This got me to thinking about modern Christianity a little bit. It seems that so many believe that signing up to follow Jesus means that He will keep you from all suffering, discomfort, pain, etc... Jesus never promised us that! He said that if they persecuted Him that we should expect persecution. James 1:2-4 says to "consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds because the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything." I know that I don't always think "This is pure joy that I am struggling right now." I like many, tend to complain first. Why is this happening to us? How often have you heard someone say, "IF God were good, He wouldn't allow......"?
Now though, think about the times in your life that have strengthened your faith. Has it been the easy times? Has it been when you are experiencing God's hand of blessing, when you seem like you can do no wrong? I know for me, my greatest growth has come from my pain. Two years of infertility and a miscarriage before my sweet boy was born was excruciating. I spent many a night crying listening to lullabies wondering how long my arms would be empty. Yet in that, I pressed in to my Father. I choose to believe that whether God ever gave me a baby to hold or if my arms stayed empty that God is still good and that He still loves me. Through that time I learned to call out to my heavenly Father and then "Be still and know...", something that I'm not always so good at.
Another huge growth experience in my life was just last year when my youngest, my dear sweet JJ was ill. I took him to the pediatricians at 6 months old for a suspected ear infection and learned that he had lost weight. Thinking that it was an effect of being sick, they rescheduled us to come back in 2 weeks for another weight check. When we returned, he had lost weight again. Blood work was done, not so fun for mom or JJ. Diagnosed with RTA, a kidney condition which causes the blood to be acidic and therefore nutrients are not being absorbed. It was easily treatable with medicine and we were told that he would grow out of it between 2-3 yrs old. We continued to go in every 2 wks for weight checks and he did stabilize on the meds but still wasn't gaining much, maybe 4 oz in 2 wks. Then from nowhere he started dropping weight again and the tests started all over again. Going to Children's for Cystic Fibrosis testing, genetic screenings, tons of blood work, still no answers for us. Go see a nutrition specialist at Children's who also can give us no answers. Shortly after his 1st birthday we had to take him in to the hospital for an upper and lower G.I. Still no answers. I remember when the doctor said have him tested for CF. I drove around and cried. I remember very clearly saying as I drove trying to clear my head, "Lord, I know he is yours not mine, but I am not ready to give him back to you." At that moment I knew that I had learned that trusting God with my children is difficult but I do. I really do believe that they are on loan to me from a gracious and loving God for a short time. Would I have ever fully understood this had I not been through pain? Maybe, but not in the way that I know it now. (By the way, my JJ "grew out of his condition" earlier than expected, at 18 months. He is now a very healthy little boy and in 1 yr has jumped from less than 3%ile to 75%ile in height and from less than3% to 50% for weight. You would never know to look at him that there was a time when we wondered if he would ever be ok!)
So this is my point, when we are facing trials, instead of insisting that God deliver us from them, maybe first we should just realize that He is still with us. One of my favorite quotes says "God never promised us smooth sailing, just a safe landing." Remember that God never promised to take away our pain, only to walk through it with us. He will never leave us or forsake us! What an amazing promise, that our Savior will never leave us!
The sermon this morning was very interesting and left me with a lot to think about. Ryan is currently doing a series in Revelation about the 7 churches. Today was Smyrna. Here is what intrigued me, Rev 2:10-11 "Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life. He who has an ear let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. He who overcomes will not be hurt at all by the second death." The Smyrnan church was not told, "Gee, I love you so I'm not going to let you suffer." Jesus told them that they will suffer, but that He would be with them through the suffering. This got me to thinking about modern Christianity a little bit. It seems that so many believe that signing up to follow Jesus means that He will keep you from all suffering, discomfort, pain, etc... Jesus never promised us that! He said that if they persecuted Him that we should expect persecution. James 1:2-4 says to "consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds because the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything." I know that I don't always think "This is pure joy that I am struggling right now." I like many, tend to complain first. Why is this happening to us? How often have you heard someone say, "IF God were good, He wouldn't allow......"?
Now though, think about the times in your life that have strengthened your faith. Has it been the easy times? Has it been when you are experiencing God's hand of blessing, when you seem like you can do no wrong? I know for me, my greatest growth has come from my pain. Two years of infertility and a miscarriage before my sweet boy was born was excruciating. I spent many a night crying listening to lullabies wondering how long my arms would be empty. Yet in that, I pressed in to my Father. I choose to believe that whether God ever gave me a baby to hold or if my arms stayed empty that God is still good and that He still loves me. Through that time I learned to call out to my heavenly Father and then "Be still and know...", something that I'm not always so good at.
Another huge growth experience in my life was just last year when my youngest, my dear sweet JJ was ill. I took him to the pediatricians at 6 months old for a suspected ear infection and learned that he had lost weight. Thinking that it was an effect of being sick, they rescheduled us to come back in 2 weeks for another weight check. When we returned, he had lost weight again. Blood work was done, not so fun for mom or JJ. Diagnosed with RTA, a kidney condition which causes the blood to be acidic and therefore nutrients are not being absorbed. It was easily treatable with medicine and we were told that he would grow out of it between 2-3 yrs old. We continued to go in every 2 wks for weight checks and he did stabilize on the meds but still wasn't gaining much, maybe 4 oz in 2 wks. Then from nowhere he started dropping weight again and the tests started all over again. Going to Children's for Cystic Fibrosis testing, genetic screenings, tons of blood work, still no answers for us. Go see a nutrition specialist at Children's who also can give us no answers. Shortly after his 1st birthday we had to take him in to the hospital for an upper and lower G.I. Still no answers. I remember when the doctor said have him tested for CF. I drove around and cried. I remember very clearly saying as I drove trying to clear my head, "Lord, I know he is yours not mine, but I am not ready to give him back to you." At that moment I knew that I had learned that trusting God with my children is difficult but I do. I really do believe that they are on loan to me from a gracious and loving God for a short time. Would I have ever fully understood this had I not been through pain? Maybe, but not in the way that I know it now. (By the way, my JJ "grew out of his condition" earlier than expected, at 18 months. He is now a very healthy little boy and in 1 yr has jumped from less than 3%ile to 75%ile in height and from less than3% to 50% for weight. You would never know to look at him that there was a time when we wondered if he would ever be ok!)
So this is my point, when we are facing trials, instead of insisting that God deliver us from them, maybe first we should just realize that He is still with us. One of my favorite quotes says "God never promised us smooth sailing, just a safe landing." Remember that God never promised to take away our pain, only to walk through it with us. He will never leave us or forsake us! What an amazing promise, that our Savior will never leave us!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
"famous" pancakes
4 mornings in a row now I have been asked, no begged to make pancakes. I have named them berry coffee cake pancakes and W says they are world famous. I'm not really a culinary genius but my kids think I am so here goes.......
BERRY COFFEE CAKE PANCAKES
pancake mix and ingredients to make batter
1 c. blueberries (I used strawberries when I ran out of blueberries and it was still yummy)
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 tsp pure almond extract
1 Tbsp cinnamon
a sprinkle of raw (turbinado) suger (a sprinkle is maybe a tsp or 2?)
mix it all up and make pancakes like usual.
We even ran out of syrup and everyone still loved them even without syrup! Super yummy!
BERRY COFFEE CAKE PANCAKES
pancake mix and ingredients to make batter
1 c. blueberries (I used strawberries when I ran out of blueberries and it was still yummy)
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 tsp pure almond extract
1 Tbsp cinnamon
a sprinkle of raw (turbinado) suger (a sprinkle is maybe a tsp or 2?)
mix it all up and make pancakes like usual.
We even ran out of syrup and everyone still loved them even without syrup! Super yummy!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
better
I am so thankful for the friends who have emailed and called to check on me after my last post. I really process my feelings through writing, and that is what I did. I wrote, between me and God to figure things out. Then for whatever unknown reason, I posted it. Maybe to allow you to see that I am far from having it all figured out, but I do trust that God is at the center of my life and will care for me even through the struggles. It is almost strange the amount of peace and healing that came just from writing about my struggles and sharing them. I have always been told that the devil likes to work in darkness. He will take my weaknesses, my fears, my doubts and make everything seem so much worse than it actually is. When I allow it all to be brought to the light, there is healing, grace, support, and peace. I do really trust that the Lord will carry us through this difficult time. He has never failed us before, I know He won't start now! My son asked me one day if we were poor. I answered no, we have so much to be thankful for. There are people who will go to bed tonight in a box not in a home, there are people who don't have enough food to eat and are starving to death, there are people who are sick but cannot see a doctor, there are people who don't have cars, homes, food, clothes, family, or God. Things may be tight but we have faced much worse. Things may be difficult but we have never gone without. The Lord is faithful to His promises and loving toward all He has made. I will continue to sing the praises of the Lord. I will continue to rely on Him through everything. I will continue to trust that His ways are good and that He has a purpose and a future for us. He is good, even when life isn't. Period, end of story. God is still good, He is still God and He is still sovereign.
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