Thursday, December 10, 2009

my Christmas tree

I've been thinking about Christmas trees a lot this week.  It started on Monday when I went to a wonderful Christmas party with my fellow MOPS steering members.  Amy's tree was imposible to not be awed by.  It towered in her living room, gorgeous and perfect.  It was decorated with red and silver and huge ornaments that flowed with the theme and precious moments figurine ornaments.  I have to say how impressive and beautiful it was because I don't want my thoughts about my tree to sound weird or judgemental.  On her tree attached to a strand of garland were several ornaments clustered together in one spot that her son had put on the tree.  Like the wonderful mom that she is, she didn't move any of them so that her son's feelings wouldn't be hurt.  This brought on a conversation about trees and who decorates and how they are decorated.  Amy wants a theme, but it fits her.  Another woman said that her husband someday wants a themed tree.  Then I started thinking about how once I got married and moved out my parents tree is more themed and less hodge podge.  I wondered if someday when my children are grown and it's just me and Hubby once again cuddling by the light of our Christmas tree, if I will also want a theme to my tree.  Will I ever be content with plain white lights?  I think its beautiful on other trees but not on mine. 

I want color, and lots of it.  I love the glow from my strands of colored lights hanging loosely on my pre-lit (white lights) tree.  My ornaments?  Well, I have a couple with pictures of my kids that they made in preschool.  I have a couple of "Our 1st Christmas" ornaments that are seeing their 12th time on our tree this year.  I have one from Mt. Rushmore where we went on vacation last year.  One with 5 black bears paddling a boat with each of our names on an oar that Hubby and I got in Manitou Springs when we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.  Then there are the ones my mom gave us last year, one that has a little boy holding a sign that says "Oldest child, Mom's favorite" and of course "Middle child, Mom's favorite" and "Youngest child, Mom's favorite."  We have a Bronco squirrel sitting on a football, my boys first Christmas ornaments and even my first Christmas ornament that my Grandmother gave me when I was a born.  Ornaments that Hubby's grandma, who has since passed on, gave us on our 1st Christmas.  I could go on but I think you get the point and probably too good of a visual on my little tree.  Some of it is cluttered because the kids decided that all of the Spongebob character ornaments should be close to each other so they are all weighing down one branch.  :)  But it is my tree and it fits me as well as Amy's tree fits her. 

I cannot imagine the loss I would feel to get rid of those ornaments and trade them in for a theme.  I know, dorky, right?  I mean it's just decorations, right?  Not to me, to me it is a reflection of me.  I have countless fond memories of each of our ornaments.  Decorating my tree is also reminiscing for me.  I am a haphazard person.  I love to do things as the mood hits me.  I make last minute plans for coffee or the zoo.  I would much rather be taking care of people and relationships than my house.  I am spontaneous.  I think for me, the day my tree is matching and perfect is when I resign who God designed me to be and take on who I want others to see me as.  This isn't true of everyone, it's true of me.  I'm not perfect, I don't have it all together and truth be told, I don't know if I really want to have it all together.  I love my Christmas tree, it speaks volumes about me and my family and our life.  I think that even when I am old and gray and don't HAVE to put up preschool made ornaments, I think it's still the tree I'll want, bright and colorful and full of memories!

No comments: