Monday, July 5, 2010

therapy for my soul

Blogging is therapy for my soul, as is journaling. The things I cannot figure out how to say come naturally when I sit to type.  I have often heard people say that writing instead of talking is a cowards way of dealing.  I highly disagree.  I'm not a coward, I just write much better than I speak!  Words come easily when I write, not so much when I talk.  When I type, I have a backspace button.  Too many times I have spoken words that I can only wish to have had a backspace button before I had let them escape!  Too often have I wounded others (and been wounded) by words spoken too quickly.  Writing allows me to put my words through my brain filter first.  I say a lot fewer stupid or thoughtless things.  And all of that was said, simply to say, I've missed being able to write!

I've been extremely tired lately.  I was finally able to discover why, my iron has been super low.  I was very close to being anemic.  I couldn't even walk down the stairs without being so exhausted I could barely move.  I was laying on my couch wishing for energy every day and feeling guilty when I never had any.  It was an odd relief to know that my problem was both simple and easily fixed.  I am taking iron supplements now.  I'm still no ball of fire but at least I can type without feeling like I'm going to fall over from exhaustion!

Our pastor has recently done a series on suffering.  He taught from Habbakuk.  It has been a FABULOUS teaching, one that is all too often neglected in our search for the American dream.  While the entire series really hit me, the best one (in my opinion) was called "Is Jesus Enough for You?" and was delivered on 6/13.  You can listen to it by going to our church's website and clicking "play sermon" to the right of the title I just mentioned.  For those of you not familiar with the book of Habbakuk, the basis is that Habbakuk asks God why He is allowing the wickedness to continue.  When will God do something?  God responds telling Habby that He is allowing a more wicked nation to invade Israel as punishment for Israel's wickedness. The entire book is Habby knowing that invasion is inevitable, and pain and calamity will engulf his nation and loved ones. 

The end of the book is one of my favorites.  Habby says that even though there are no crops, no wine, no olives, no food, etc. YET he will praise and trust God.  It is a beautiful illustration of God's presence and hope in times of suffering.  How often have I said that God has never promised us smooth sailing, just a safe landing.  May my trials bring me closer to the heart of God and that I may allow Him to mold me into His image.

My boys have friends of the female species that are sisters and the exact ages of my older 2.  They love to tease each other about the girls.  You know, the age old classic "W and L sitting in a tree......." to which he responds, "No, it is E and Charlotte sitting in a tree....."  I'm not sure if I'm amused or terrified by their recent preoccupation with girls.  But the other day I couldn't help but smile when E came to me and said, "Mom, in 20 years, W and L is getting married and me and Charlotte is getting married.  That way me and W can still go to the same family dinner when we are growed up!"  That is a prospect I can handle.  Who says arranged marriages are out?  I think it could work ;-)

I'm excited to be enjoying reading again.  I haven't really enjoyed it in a while.  I am now forcing myself out of the book isle at the store because I want to buy so many of them! My list (I think in this order......) is
1. The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner (heard I had to read it before seeing Eclipse so tomorrow I am borrowing it from a friend!)
2. the Percy Jackson series ( I know they are kids books, so were Harry Potter and I loved those! Besides, I need to pre-read before Will starts asking to read them )
3. Wrinkle in Time series by Madeline L'Engle (I read them as a child but I remember very little of the story other than I loved it and it's a classic.)
4. The Host (simply because Stephanie Meyer said it was her favorite book that she has written.  She said she feels it had more depth and better writing style than when she wrote the Twilight books.)

Ok, so I just looked at this list and realized I am in a fiction kick right now.  I'm not usually a fiction only girl.  I usually like to learn when I read but I'm enjoying being entertained right now. I just read My Sister's Keeper.  Holy cow, that was a heavy book!  I enjoyed it but definitely cried.  Ok, sobbed is probably a better description. My kids thought I had lost my mind when I hugged them without letting go for the rest of the evening after finishing it.  I'm just glad I wasn't out in public when I finished it!

Ok, that is enough therapy for me tonight!  You are probably getting bored with my randomness anyway  =)
It's nice to be back.

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