I went into my boss's office last week frazzled and emotional. I landed in the chair across from her desk and said, "Can we just pray for a minute?" I LOVE that I work in a place that when the day is overwhelming I can stop, breathe and pray with someone. It wasn't even work that had me feeling crazy but that's ok where I work.
I was recently asked to be a guest blogger for a blog series. I agreed without thinking it through and also expecting that I would be given a direction, an angle if you will, of what the blog author wanted me to cover. I offered several things that I could easily cover and the response was basically, yeah all of those sound good so just pick one. Ok, that in itself was overwhelming. The people pleaser, perfectionist inside of me wanted her to tell me what she wanted so I could deliver exactly the right thing.
I vented to my boss for a minute, in a rather generic here's the overview kind of a way. I bemoaned that I am afraid. I'm afraid of where God is leading me and I've spent the last year arguing with Him that He probably wants someone more equipped to go the direction He is indicating. Before we prayed she offered me two pieces of wisdom. One I am keeping private simply because it is a specifically identifying piece. The other however has ministered to me over and over. She said this, "Do it afraid."
What? Don't I need courage to do this? Don't I need God to give me strength first, for Him to perfect me and then use me? No, I don't. She reminded me that being uncertain is something I have in common with most of the people God used in the Bible. Moses argued with God until God finally said, "Fine, take Aaron. He'll do the part you are scared of." Don't you think Joshua was afraid to march around the wall of Jericho? Or that Gideon was scared to lead God's people to war? Even Jesus went to the cross saying, "God would you mind taking this away from me?" In the end God used each of them for greater purposes. In the end though they were afraid, they still followed God's leading.
Her point was that being afraid of what you know God is calling you to is normal. God does big work through our seemingly small part in His story. The focus is on God and the work He is doing. If I have everything together in a perfect little package, what room do I leave for Him to get the glory? Doesn't it then reflect on me and my greatness rather than allowing my brokenness to point to Him and His greatness?
So I am taking her advice. I'm going to do it afraid and trust the outcome to God.