Learning from mistakes

 As my husband and kids would say, mistakes were made. 

It turns out that when your doctor puts you on medication to help with anxiety, she does so for a reason. And it also turns out that the half life of that medication isn't very long. It also seems that if you go to bed too exhausted to remember to take the medication two nights in a row that you will wake up remembering why you were prescribed the medication in the first place and will likely need to use your "rescue medicine". 

I grew up feeling like depression and anxiety were sins. In my adulthood it has taken a long time to come to terms with the fact that mental illness is an illness not a decision. It took waking up in the middle of the night feeling like I was having a heart attack that turned out to be a panic attack to decide going back on medication was the right move for me. 

There was a time in my life that I was too embarrassed to admit that I struggle with depression and anxiety. But the reality is that I do and I know so many others who do as well. I don't love writing about my mental health; it is a very vulnerable topic. I also have come to value authenticity and those who will remind us that we are not alone in our journeys. I am choosing to be open about this so that those who stumble across my writing will hear a voice saying, "I get it. You are not alone." 

I know plenty of people who would be horrified to hear I take medication to manage my mental health. I also know plenty who will applaud that fact that I do. The reality of it is that for me, this medication helps me to function at full capacity. I breathe deeper when I take it. I show up better for my family and friends when I take it. Honestly, I show up better for myself when I take it. 

Yes, mistakes were made. Now we move on. Now I will take my medication and go to bed on time so I don't collapse in my bed too exhausted to think about opening that daily pill container. And if any of you are in the same boat I would like to remind you to take your meds, drink your water, get some sleep. Take some time to take care of you; you are a valuable asset worth protecting. You are loved and you are needed.