Refuge

Today is a big day personally, professionally, and politically. I have a lot going on in case that sentence didn't clue you in. And I'm not going to lie, sometimes the anxiety of it all creeps in. I've been reminding myself that God is in control no matter the outcomes.

This morning I sat at my kitchen table, coffee in hand, and read from the Psalms. I absentmindedly turned the pages struggling to focus. Honestly, that is why is was in Psalms, I can read it even when I cannot focus. These words from Psalm 118:8-9 jumped off the page and I want to share them with you.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in humans.
 It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in princes.

Oh how those words touched my soul. No matter who is nominated today for Super Tuesday, I find my refuge in the Lord not in politicians. No matter what happens in my personal life with the decisions that are to be made, I find my refuge in the Lord.

Today, no matter its outcome, I will choose to rejoice. I will trust that whether things go as I hope or otherwise that I am still in the hand of God. He has not forgotten us; He has not left us. My hope and my joy come from God, the maker of heaven and earth. And through the uncertainty and the anxiety, I will choose hope. I will choose joy. I will choose love.

someone I'll never have coffee with

This has been a seriously difficult school year for my middle. In the midst of screenings and evaluations for a number of different sensory scale issues, he has had a difficult teacher who doesn't understand that how he is doing emotionally affects how he is doing with homework and schoolwork. It has been heart wrenching, to say the least, to watch him struggle this year.

This week when I said I'm not ready for two of my three boys to move to the next grade, my oldest asked if the reason I was ready for the middle to be another grade older was due to a specific person. We all knew he meant this particular teacher. I paused and then said, "No. This grade is hard. It was hard when you were there and it has been a thousand times harder for your brother. The next grade was easier and I hope it will be for him as well."

He smiled and said, "Yeah, that. AND because of a certain someone. You don't like her, do you mom?" My pause while trying to think of the words to say was answer enough. "I mean, honestly, you would not go out and get a cup of coffee with her, would you?" Ok, bluff was called so I thought quickly and decided to answer.

"No, I would not ever go out and get a cup of coffee with her. She is not someone who I particularly like and not someone I can see myself ever being friends with. That said, she is a teacher at our school and I will treat her with respect as such. We all will respect that she holds a position of authority and will treat her with the respect that her position deserves. I will not stoop to the level of being nasty in my speech with her because at the end of the day I have to live with myself. I have to be able to look myself in the mirror and be comfortable with how I have treated others. I will treat her with the kindness and respect I would treat anyone else with simply because they are human beings."

I'd be totally lying if I said I didn't puff up a touch with pride in my answer. It was a good response, one that I hoped my boys would remember for years down the road. I was telling them that how I treat someone is not a reflection of that person but rather a reflection of me. That was some pretty good stuff and I meant it which, of course, makes it better.

There is only one problem. Words are empty if not followed by actions. I have been extremely respectful in my interactions with her. I have never gotten nasty or said to her the things that go through my head about her. However, I have spent the last two days bashing her to anyone who would listen. She's never heard me be disrespectful to or about her but that doesn't mean that I am treating her with kindness and  respect.

If I am looking to be able to look myself in the mirror and know that I have handled myself with integrity, then I have failed. Just because I have talked behind her back does not mean I have acted with integrity, actually the opposite is true. I have not clothed myself with compassion. I have not offered grace or forgiveness. I have attacked like a coward, behind the back of the woman I dislike. 

Colossians 3:12-14  Therefore, as God's chosen people,

 holy and dearly loved, 

clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness,

 humility, gentleness, and patience. 

Bear with each other and forgive one another 

if any of you has a grievance againts someone. 

Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 

And over all these virtues put on love, 

which binds them all together in perfect unity. 

Lord, forgive me for my pride. Forgive me for my gossip. I don't know how to like this woman but I know you love her so help me to show her your love and compassion. Help me to reflect you and your grace in my interactions both with and about this woman. Help me to reflect you, not me, not her, but only you.

listening well

I have developed over the last year a new pet peeve.  I really get frustrated when people don't listen well.  And I've discovered that very few people actually do listen well.  I know that often people are planning their response to what you are saying before you have even finished your thought. It is so common that I have recently made a conscious effort to be fully present when I am talking with someone.  You know, that whole, "Wherever you are, be all there" philosophy.

Though thinking ahead isn't actively listening, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as when someone hears something other that what I am saying.  Like for instance, I have had a few people refer to how difficult it must be to have my husband unemployed.  But I never said he was unemployed.  What I said was that he is working on getting his new business off the ground. Grrr...weren't you LISTENING?

And as I have mentally been allowing myself to get frustrated when I am not listened to, and I have stopped offering deeper conversation to those who don't hear it anyway, I have found myself guilty of the very thing that drives me batty.  Yesterday Hubby was telling me a story about his day.  Mid- sentence I interrupted him to ask if the new bottle of Advil on the computer was from his parents.  I saw the look.  The flicker of disappointment cross his face and then the conversation coming to a close because he didn't want to talk if I wasn't going to listen. 

I thought back through the last month how many times I have seen that look.  I was crushed when I realized that I was a person who wasn't listening well.  Not only was I guilty of not actively listening and not being fully present, I was guilty of those things with the person I love the most. I'm thankful for grace.  I'm thankful for perspective.  I'm thankful that Hubby was gracious and forgiving when I pulled him away and apologized for not listening well. And I'm thankful that today is a new day and another chance to be fully present with those I love.

"The eagerness of a listener quickens the tongue of a narrator." ~Jane Eyre 

Do It Afraid

I went into my boss's office last week frazzled and emotional.  I landed in the chair across from her desk and said, "Can we just pray for a minute?"  I LOVE that I work in a place that when the day is overwhelming I can stop, breathe and pray with someone.  It wasn't even work that had me feeling crazy but that's ok where I work. 

I was recently asked to be a guest blogger for a blog series.  I agreed without thinking it through and also expecting that I would be given a direction, an angle if you will, of what the blog author wanted me to cover.  I offered several things that I could easily cover and the response was basically, yeah all of those sound good so just pick one.  Ok, that in itself was overwhelming.  The people pleaser, perfectionist inside of me wanted her to tell me what she wanted so I could deliver exactly the right thing.  

I vented to my boss for a minute, in a rather generic here's the overview kind of a way.  I bemoaned that I am afraid.  I'm afraid of where God is leading me and I've spent the last year arguing with Him that He probably wants someone more equipped to go the direction He is indicating.  Before we prayed she offered me two pieces of wisdom.  One I am keeping private simply because it is a specifically identifying piece.  The other however has ministered to me over and over.  She said this, "Do it afraid."

What?  Don't I need courage to do this?  Don't I need God to give me strength first, for Him to perfect me and then use me?  No, I don't.  She reminded me that being uncertain is something I have in common with most of the people God used in the Bible.  Moses argued with God until God finally said, "Fine, take Aaron.  He'll do the part you are scared of."  Don't you think Joshua was afraid to march around the wall of Jericho?  Or that Gideon was scared to lead God's people to war?  Even Jesus went to the cross saying, "God would you mind taking this away from me?"  In the end God used each of them for greater purposes.  In the end though they were afraid, they still followed God's leading.

Her point was that being afraid of what you know God is calling you to is normal.  God does big work through our seemingly small part in His story.  The focus is on God and the work He is doing.  If I have everything together in a perfect little package, what room do I leave for Him to get the glory?  Doesn't it then reflect on me and my greatness rather than allowing my brokenness to point to Him and His greatness?

So I am taking her advice.  I'm going to do it afraid and trust the outcome to God.

war of the words

We had a "family meeting"  or as my husband calls it, a "comin to Jesus meeting" on New Year's eve.  My boys were just non stop attacking each other with their words.  It seems that no amount of hearing me say "friends will come and go but you will be brothers forever, take care of each other" was going to change their attitudes on that particular day. 

Evening came and finally Hubby had had ENOUGH.  So we had a family meeting.  At the end of the meeting, everyone seemed to really be getting it.  We decided as a family that in 2013 our goal will be to use our words wisely, to use our words to help not hurt.  We pulled down the verse over my kitchen sink and read it to the boys. Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth but only that which is helpful for the building up others according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen."  We decided as a family that would be our theme verse for the year.

So our family goal in 2013 is to say words that benefit the person listening to us, words that will build each other up and words that will build up those around us.  We all agreed to THINK before we speak.....

T-is it true

    H-is it helpful

       I-is it inspiring

          N-is it necessary 

K-is it kind

Often words are true but not helpful, inspiring, necessary or kind.  We want to work on those last ones and when we do speak the truth to each, we will speak it in love not anger.

And finally, I saw these two quotes on Facebook and they were just too good to not share....

and this one....

loving in the midst of controversy

I love election years.  I love exercising my freedom to vote.  I appreciate the sacrifices that make this possible.

I also hate election years.  Elections bring out the worst in people.  Facebook is full of hateful posts right now.  There are tons of posts of why everyone who doesn't agree with the poster is stupid.  Even the commercials are completely negative.  I'm so very tired of hearing what the opponent can not do rather than what the campaigning person can do.

And I finally have to say something about it all.  I love people.  Have you looked at my Facebook friends list lately?  I have friends of every size, shape and color.  I have friends who are Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, Mormon.  I have friends of every denomination of Christianity, Catholic, Lutheran, Pentacostal, Baptist, you name it.

My friends all look different.  They all worship differently.  And they have very different political views as well.  I have friends who are pro-life and friends who are pro-choice.  Friends in favor of same sex marriage and friends against it.  I have friends who are conservative, friends who are liberal, friends who are moderate and friends who reach every extreme of that spectrum.

Here is the great part.  I LOVE THEM ALL. I love my friends, even when we view life differently.  I'm glad people believe in their convictions enough to vote for them.  I'm glad I have friends who can tell me that they disagree with my opinion.

Here is the not so great part.  I'm tired of being called hateful if I express my own opinion.  I'm tired of being lumped into a category saying that everyone who believes a certain way is stupid and uneducated.  I'm not an idiot.  I'm not hateful or fearful. 

 I'm not afraid of gay people, I have friends who are gay.  I'm not afraid of Muslims, I have friends who are Muslim.  I don't hate people who have had abortions, I have several friends who have had abortions.  Here is the deal, if you are my friend, I like you simply because you are YOU.  I like that we can love each other whether we agree on things or not.  We can agree to disagree and STILL LIKE AND RESPECT EACH OTHER.

Guess what? I ate Chic-Fil-A for lunch today. Don't crucify me over it and don't high five me over it.  I like their food and I like that the customer service is supreme over any other fast food restaurant I've ever been to.  I ate there simply because if I'm going to spend my money, I want good food and fabulous service.  It wasn't political, it was that I work hard for my money and if I'm using it to eat out, I want an enjoyable experience.

I shop regularly at a small store where the owner has extremely different beliefs from religion to politics than I do.  You know why I continue to shop there?  I shop there because he runs his business with integrity and I know he will never screw me over.  He has great customer service and I always feel like he values my business.  I shop there because he is entitled to have beliefs that are different than mine.  That is why I love this country, because people are allowed to have their own ideas, their own beliefs.

Please stop telling me that because I am pro-life and not apologetic for that stance (see this post if you want to hear WHY I am pro-life and unashamed of that) that I am a hater.  Please stop telling me where I should and should not shop because you don't agree with their politics.  This goes for the Christians telling me that I should boycott businesses who support planned parenthood and it also goes for those telling me that I should boycott Chic-Fil-A because they don't support same sex marriage.

I'm shopping where I get treated well.  I'm shopping where I can get great customer service and quality products.  I don't care what the people selling believe, I care how they run their business.  I care how they treat their consumers and employees.  I love living in America because you are entitled to believe what you believe and I am entitled to believe what I believe. 

I love my friends because they bring joy and variety to my life.  I don't always agree with their viewpoints and yet I still love them.  If everyone agreed on everything it would be a very boring world.  And really how does judging anyone help anything?  Does calling me bigoted and uneducated bring us together?  The same goes in reverse.  Does name calling on the other side bring any unity either? 

Stop telling me what you are against and why I should also be against it.  Start telling me what you are for and why it means a lot to you.  I want to know what and why you believe, I do NOT want to hear why I'm wrong if I don't agree.  And then give me the same freedom to have my own thoughts and beliefs.  After all, isn't that why we live in America?

I love people.  I love people of every race, gender, age, size, political affiliation or religious beliefs.  Let me appreciate our differences and please do the same for me.  If we disagree, let's exercise our First Amendment rights and agree to disagree.  Name calling isn't going to solve anything!

Sorry, soapbox rant over. 

eating humble pie

I'm not a morning person.  Ok, that is the biggest understatement of the century!  I'm a get 2 cups of coffee in my system before I can carry on a conversation type of morning person.  This morning however, though I didn't bound out of bed ready to tackle my day, I did wake up when my alarm clock went off and made some coffee and had some time in the Word.  It was a beautiful and quiet time in my house with me, God, my Bible and a good cup of coffee. 

I recently heard a speaker talking about how sometimes as moms we sometimes have a hard time getting the deep study of the Bible that we had before junior was tugging on our arms all day and night.  Sometimes it gets discouraging.  One of her suggestions was to pick one scripture a day to just really meditate on.  It may not seem like much but in a year's time you will have meditated (chewed on, thought about) 365 scriptures.  I'm wanting to spend more time in the Word this year.  I actually couldn't tear my eyes away this morning and just kept reading and reveling in God's amazing mercy to Israel in Isaiah.  I picked a part in Isaiah 41 to be what I was going to feed my soul throughout the day.

As almost nearly always happens when you get up early to spend time in the Word to start your day (or at  least happens with me), my morning fell apart and my patience was tested!  I woke my boys to get ready for school and they started in pretty good moods.  Then all of a sudden they were picking on each other.  My middle child was missing his belt, a dress code requirement at our school.  In the midst of searching high and low for a belt, I found my voice with my kids getting sharper and sharper.  I was so annoyed at the lack of listening, the fighting and the disrespect both to me and to each other.

I went downstairs in the laundry room hoping to find the belt that I swear I recently saw that came in a bag of hand me downs from a friend.  I angrily threw laundry across the room muttering swear words under my breath.  My kids were going to be late for school all for a stupid belt.  I felt convicted and asked the Lord to give me patience and to help me to use self control with my own attitude.  I did better for a few minutes but then was right back to muttering under my breath and being snarky with my kids.  Finally we find the belt but by this time, mamma was OVER IT!

I hollered at the kids to hurry up and get to the car.  I yelled at them when they didn't get in right away.  I landed on the oldest when for no reason at all he elbowed his little brother while they were getting in the car.  I yelled again when the fighting was keeping them from buckling up.  I yelled that they were yelling at each other and not speaking to each other with kindness.  Then I heard myself.  Here I was yelling at my kids telling them to stop yelling at each other.  Here I was unkindly telling them to talk to each other with kindness.  The irony was not lost on me.

A different verse filled my heart.  "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."  Prov 15:1   I was guilty of stirring up anger.  I was just as much, if not more, to blame for the tense way the morning had gone.  I told my kids that we had had a pretty rough start to the morning and I'd like a redo.  Rather than starting our morning fighting, let's start over and start it right, with prayer.  We prayed in the car.  I confessed my sins of not practicing living in the fruits of the Spirit and asked the Lord to forgive me for using harsh words.  I thanked God for His faithfulness to forgive us when we confess.

And when we were done praying, I took another serving of humble pie.  I turned to my kids (we were at a stop light) and asked them to forgive me.  I told them how sorry I was that I had not talked to them with the kindness and grace that I was asking them to show each other.  I apologized for expecting something of them that I wasn't living myself.

The good news about eating humble pie?  Though it definitely took me down a few notches in my pride, I started the morning with the forgiveness of the Lord and then the forgiveness of my children.  The rest of the ride to school was filled with joy and laughter. I couldn't help but laugh when I got home and read my friend's Facebook status, "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Col 3:21" 


Lord, thank you for reminding me that my children are watching me.  Thank you for convicting me and giving me grace when I blow it.  Help me to not embitter or discourage my children.

exasperated and convicted

Today, I must admit, has not been the easiest day for me to remember that I do it all for the glory of God.  I was awakened this morning to the sound of my children fighting.  Not just awakened but awakened from a wonderful dream that was nearing conclusion and once awake I couldn't remember what I had been dreaming.  So I woke up annoyed.  Annoyed with the fighting.  Annoyed that I couldn't have enjoyed just a few more minutes of a lovely dream. 

My attitude wasn't really improving.  I just bought new coffee.  Yesterday morning I realized that I had accidentally bought decaf instead of regular.  I took it back and exchanged it.  I made this new coffee this morning only to realize it was HORRIBLE.  I took 3 drinks and finally poured out the pot and scrounged around to find the last touch of my emergency stash in the cupboard.  Wasting coffee gets under my skin.  So I was still annoyed.

After breakfast my boys started rough housing.  I told them to stop.  They didn't.  I informed them that I was going to not hear any complaints if someone got hurt because they choose to keep rough housing.  They did fine for a while.  But after a bit the youngest kept getting hurt and I put the kabash on wrestling for the morning. 

I decided I was going to take a shower.  I had no sooner closed the door than I heard arguing and screaming again.  I flew out of the bathroom, removed my exercise ball (the reason for the feud), and yelled at my kids.  I tried again.  I got into the bathroom and as I'm prepping for the shower, my middle child just barges right in, no knocking, because he needed to go potty.  I finally exploded! I got him out, got decent and then completely lost my temper with my kids.  It wasn't pretty.

I finally got my bathroom lock to work and got into my shower.  I was still fuming in my shower.  And that seems to be when God likes to talk to me.  Maybe it is because I can't go anywhere and I because of that, I tend to stay more focused.  Whatever the reason, I suddenly had scripture running through my mind.  Ephesians 6:4 "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

I chuckled.  God, would it have been too much trouble to add "children don't exasperate your parents"?  I mean really, I was very exasperated with my children today!  But He doesn't.  He commands children to obey and parents to teach, discipline and not exasperate.  I was seriously not training and instructing my kids in the way of the Lord today.  I was training them, training them to think that yelling is an acceptable form of communications.  I was teaching them that I am above the rules, that I think it is ok if I break the no yelling rule.  I was instructing them that I what I was frustrated about was more important than teaching them how to handle conflict.

But wouldn't have been nice if He would have added the children don't exasperate part too?  Then as parents we would have another thing to throw back at our kids  :-).   Don't make me angry, God said so.  Another way to not take responsibility for our own actions.  Fellow church kids, how often did you hear the "children obey your parents" line when your parents didn't know what else to say?  It always felt like to me is was a way to force me and my brother to obey.  Well, you know, God said you have to obey.  It doesn't matter if we are totally in left field, you have to obey us.  And God's the boss, so nanny nanny boo boo you have to listen.

I want to be the parent who my children obey me in the Lord.  I want to be the parent who instructs and trains my children in the way of the Lord.  I don't want obedience for obedience sake.  I want obedience for honor's sake.  I want to live a life that calls for respect and honor.  I want my kids to know God, not just to know rules.  I want to be the parent who doesn't exasperate my children.

Needless to say, I got out of the shower feeling convicted.  I came out and apologized to my kids that I had broken the no yelling rule and spent my morning yelling at them.  I'm just as human as the next guy, sometimes I lose my temper.  Sometimes I don't glorify God with the way I treat others, specifically my family.  And when that happens, I will be returning to the throne of my Father asking him to forgive me and to give me grace to live a life worthy of the calling.