ok, so that's what you do when you run out of ideas

I realize now that I posted about my kids and their cruel trick on their baby brother but haven't had a chance to update on how everything went. It went amazingly well. I heard a lot of feedback but the one that really resounded with me was one saying that rather than make it a consequence make it a time to bring them back to the Word and the Father's heart, a learning experience. That is what I had wanted anyway, a learning experience. Alot of prayers for wisdom, the right words and softened hearts, later this is what I came up with. First, the consequence part was that though we still went to the park with our friend the next day, we had to leave before lunch. So instead of staying for another hour and eating and playing with our friend, we left when the kids started getting hungry.


The lesson part however came later. I informed the kids early in the day that there would be no tv in the afternoon and that the time that we usually spend watching a movie would on that day be spent reflecting on what they did that was unkind and ways that they could practice kindness. I must say that anyone who wishes to discipline their children must himself be disciplined. I did NOT want to forgo movie time, that is also called "mommy's nap time" and believe me I was EXHAUSTED on that day. I sacrificed my nap but was rewarded with much better than sleep. I put JJ down for his nap and grabbed chairs for the boys, my Bible, a pen and a notebook. Ok guys, time to think about why we are sitting here all together talking. We talked about how it feels when someone is unkind to us and about how actions effect a lot of people. We talked about reasons that we should treat others with kindness and respect. Then I pulled out my Bible and we looked up verses about being kind. We discussed the golden rule as something that was not just made up by teachers to sound nice but was something Jesus said first (Matthew 7:12). We discussed how we love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19) and that we forgive others because Jesus forgives us(Ephesians 4:32). We talked about Eph 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but only that which is helpful for the building up of others that it may benefit those who listen." We talked about the command to "love the Lord your God with all of your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself."(Matthew 22:37-40) As we read scripture after scripture I told the boys that we were all as a family going to memorize a verse about kindness and that they could pick which one we did. They picked Proverbs 11:17 "A kind man benefits himself but a cruel man brings trouble on himself." We wrote it out and taped it (per their choice) to their bedroom door.


During all of this Ev stopped me, "Mommy, can you hold on a minute? I just need to pray to Jesus for a minute." He, completely unprompted, got down on his knees and bowed his face to the ground. I could only catch small parts of his prayer but I did catch, "Dear Jesus.....and help me to be nice to people." A few minutes later he disappeared behind the bookcase door with a pillow covering himself up. I told him to get out of there. I told him a couple of times. Finally he comes out and says, "Mommy, why did you imperup (interrupt) me when I was talking to Jesus?"


We ended the conversation with the three of us praying together, lots of hugs, a few tears, some apologies, and overall a time that I knew the Lord had honored with my children. JJ has torn the scripture off the door but the older two keep telling me that they know our memory verse and have been repeating it perfectly (with the exception that Ev always says Proverbs 26 instead of Proverbs 11:17!) Will came to me on Monday and asked me if we could look up more Bible verses and write them down and put them on our walls because he really likes "being able to see the Word of God all over my walls." I laughed and then took him over to my kitchen sink where I personally have note cards with scripture hanging so that I also am constantly reminded of the Word. Oddly, my verses are almost all about my words as well (Psalm 34:12-13"Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies." Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." and Proverbs 10:19 "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.") Hmmmm, imagine that!

now what?

I type tonight furious. My older children pulled such a mean and nasty stunt on their little brother. I could hear the 2 yr old screaming, not "I'm not ready to go to sleep" screaming but "somethings very wrong" screaming. The short version is that the older boys told him that the statue of liberty had come to our house and killed our dog. I can't get a straight answer as to which one told him that. I have never ever seen JJ so distraught! His face was bright red, and he was sobbing as he screamed, "Doggie! Doggie! Doggie, ok? Doggie dead?" I handed him off to Daddy to show him that the dog was indeed alive and perfectly fine. Then I lost it. I yelled. Maybe I shouldn't have yelled, probably better ways to handle it but yet I yelled. I informed the older boys that there WILL be consequences and big ones at that but that I was too angry at that exact moment to be able to discipline out of love not anger and that we would discuss consequences in the morning. It took over 10 min to calm JJ down. Tears spilled out of his eyes and every time we got out of sight of the dog, he cried again, "Doggie? Mommy, Doggie!" (The dog didn't seem to mind, he got a milkbone and a treat during the process of calming JJ down!) I finally got him reassured the Jack is alive and going to be here in the morning when he wakes up but he still seemed rather unconvinced when I laid him down. His brothers were smart to not talk when I brought JJ back to bed. I could see that they were still awake, but they were pretending to be asleep which was better than what they had been doing for the last 2 hours before that. And now I am left to ponder the consequence. I contemplated taking away the play date at the park with a friend tomorrow, but my hubby said it wasn't fair to the other kid who is already looking forward to it. We could do the usual, take away sweets or tv privileges. Somehow though the usual consequences don't seem like they will convey the seriousness of the situation. How then do you discipline when you are out of ideas? How do you teach your kids to not be cruel to others? What they did tonight, crossed over the line of not being nice into being cruel. And they just don't get it! My oldest told me today that it was ok for them to be mean to another little girl. Will said that the golden rule said so. HUH? "Well, she hasn't always been nice to us so that must be how she wants to be treated so it is ok to be mean." Now what? How do I guide them on this one? I don't want an ordinary consequence, I want them to learn the lesson. The problem is that I have absolutely no earthy idea of how to teach it! So tonight I pray for wisdom and guidance, I blog to get the feelings out and I ask if any of you have any ideas. Help?

the journey has just begun

I am so excited to see the hand of God in our lives! It has been an unbelievable journey that has only just begun. It would take me forever to relay all the details of how God has moved in our lives and hearts in the last 7 months. This journey started around the first of the year when I first started hearing God's call to move on. Though I ignored the still small voice for 5 months, the blessing from obedience in the past 2 has been unfathomable! The night before Hubby's birthday I was up late getting things ready for the next day. You know, wrapping his presents, getting breakfast prepared so that all I had to do was pop it in the oven, setting the timer on the coffee pot, making a "happy birthday Daddy" banner, and all the other last minute details. While I was doing dishes (Denise, this must be because of you!) the Lord and I had a conversation. It was a beautiful conversation that I don't really care to disclose the details of. Keeping it private though is not because I'm embarrassed but because it was intimate between me and Him and specific to some things that have been going on with us lately. I went to bed so excited that it was hard to fall asleep! I went to bed with an overwhelming sense of purpose, like I had just been given insight into the mind of my Father and His plans for us.

The next evening Hubby and I went out to dinner just the 2 of us for his birthday. Oddly enough, we had a terrible waitress who left us alone a lot. We were done eating and were waiting for the check for about a half hour before she even came over to see if we needed a box and I had to ask for our check. Normally that would annoy the snot out of me, but not that night. We had the most amazing conversation and it might not have happened had we been free to walk around the mall or go see a movie. Often how Hubby hears God's voice is through his dreams. He had a poignant dream the other night that he knew was from God but he couldn't share it until he had processed it completely. On his birthday he finally shared it with me. My heart skipped as he told me and I felt confirmation of what my own conversation with God had been. Two different people, two different methods, one message! I am so excited to see Hubby as he is seeking the Lord and hearing from Him on such a huge level. Not to say that he hasn't been seeking or hearing in the past, just to say that this is different and this is big. I still don't see the whole big picture, but I feel like I may have gotten a quick glimpse of a corner of the box. I am seeing God move in my husbands life in on a scale that I haven't seen before. I am seeing God move in my life on a scale that I haven't seen in a long time. And I am seeing God move in my children and family. I have seen and also experienced amazing restoration in the lives of those around me as well. I am seeing my husband step into the calling that God has on his life and it is exciting!

What a great honor I have to walk beside this amazing man. What a blessing it is to be the one who prays for him in a way that others can't, to honor him in his calling and to be the one he shares his destiny with. I have the great honor of being his helper, friend, accountability, confidant, and his biggest cheerleader! I am so thrilled and slightly nervous about following God's leading in our lives. Sometimes it is scary to step into the unknown, to follow God to the place that He will show us rather than a known destination. My calling is to my husband and our children. Growing up when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up my answer was (aside from the occasional, "I'm going to be a millionaire") was to be a wife and a mommy. God granted me the deepest desires of my heart and I have not treated it as a ministry and a calling. My calling is to support and minister to my husband. My calling is to show my children the love of Jesus and bring them up in the ways of the Lord. It's not just my life, it's my calling, my passion, my destiny. It is the reason God made me! And Hubby's calling besides being a godly man, husband and father, besides being a protector and provider, is also my calling. As his wife, I have to be willing to support him in whatever God is calling him to and that makes it my calling as well.

I don't know where He is taking us but I know that He is good and He has good plans for us. And I am excited!

vulnerablity unmasked

I feel very insecure. You know those dreams that you think you went to school or work or wherever in just your underware? That is completely how I feel after my last post. I feel like I walked out of my house missing the clothing that covers up what I don't want others to see. How silly it is that I could bare my soul about where I stand on so many other issues but this time I feel embarrassed? Why? I know I am not the only clutterbug out there who struggles to keep house. Actually most of the responses I received were understanding of that fact and have also been there. And yet, this time it felt different. Maybe because I want people to think I have it all together is why this last one has left me feeling sooooooo vulnerable. I don't deny my need for a savior in the emotional and spiritual areas of my life. I don't pretend to have it all together as a mom. I readily admit that sometimes I hurt my husbands feelings. I acknowledge above all else that I need Christ more each day. Yet I don't think until I posted the last one that I realized that I need His help to make my home a refuge. That is what I believe He is calling me to as a wife and mother. My calling is to make my husband want to come home from work. My calling is to guide and teach my children in the ways of the Lord. My calling is to serve my family. My home needs to be a place that people feel safe, loved and at peace. The fact that it hasn't been that yet is embarrassing to me. I feel like I have been failing for years at doing what is my heart's cry, to extend hospitality. So I now realize that this is yet one more area that I need the grace and strength of my Lord. It is amazing how in sharing my heart, I have once again been convicted of the areas in my life that I try to dethrone Jesus as the God of the universe and the God of my life. This isn't a "I just need to try harder" moment. This is an "I need you Jesus" moment. All of these years I have been struggling and just trying harder. In my entire life it has never occurred to me even once that trying harder is only going to create more chaos. I need to rely on the strength of my Father not on my own strength. And that is easier to do anyway! Why did I make it all so difficult?

closer than ever to discovering His plans for us

I have no profound words or lessons tonight. No funny stories, no deep inward struggles, just typing to process my mind again. My husband is truly amazing! You see, I am a terrible housekeeper. I have a slight amount of perfectionism in me (thanks, Mom!) and if I can't get the job done perfectly, I just don't want to do it at all. So things pile up. Then they get overwhelming and I avoid my house so I don't have to see everything I need to do. I get so overwhelmed by it that I don't even know where to start and because of all of this, I tend to live my life in a state of physical and emotional chaos. My husband is somewhat the same. He wants it done perfectly and he thinks he can accomplish perfection in half the time a normal person would. When it isn't done on that time frame, he gets discouraged and also lets it pile up. It doesn't help that we are both youngest children and very classically the youngest. We tend to look at life and think everything will just come together and work itself out. We are not anal retentive about plans, timing or housework. We also DESPISE hurting each others feelings. This sometimes poses a problem because it is hard to keep each other accountable on some things because we don't want the other to be upset. Emotionally and spiritually, we totally rock at accountability. Housework and finances though, uh, yeah we need to work on the accountability factor a little bit! It's easier to pick up the other ones dishes than say, "Hey, could you take care of that before you go to bed?" I know it is silly, but it is our life.

Well, here is where my amazing husband comes in. We have been wrestling with where God's plan is taking our lives for some months now. (Those of you who are regulars to my blog already know this!) We have spent a lot of time in prayer seeking God's face and asking for godly wisdom and direction. We both feel like we have so much potential and that we are not living up to that potential. We waste so many God given opportunities because we live in a constant state of hurry and chaos. My husband came to me and told me that things need to change. It has been said before but this time he said it with a different conviction. Maybe that conviction comes from the fact that now we are starting to see the same in our children. Scary thought! I'm seeing my children not wanting to pick up their messes (though I know it is a challenge for all parents, ours seems a step beyond what I see my friends walking through), not respecting their own or others property and having an overall "who cares" attitude. I know they are capable of better! I see how respectful they are when they are at friends houses, their teachers tell me how amazing they are at school. They have the ability but aren't living up to their potential. This is the part as a mom that really sucks, it's my and my husbands fault. Ouch! What example have we set for them? What expectations have we given them? We have set our kids up to fail! Thank God that He in His grace and wisdom can cover over that! Thank God that our kids are young enough to make these life changes without harsh side effects!

My husband said it and then implemented it. I've got to admit, I wasn't sure how it was going to play out. And how on earth was it actually going to get accomplished? Every bare surface had a stack of papers or books or kids treasures stacked on it. (Did I mention earlier that we are both stackers as well? Yeah, well......) But my husband just started tackling it one pile at a time. His goal was for a perfectly organized living room. It's the first room you see when you walk into my house and the room you see from our picture window. (Have I mentioned that my mom-in-law is my next door neighbor? Talk abt keeping the curtains pulled!) I had beautiful intentions of helping him. Life had other plans. They entailed a puking 6 yr old, then a feverish cranky extremely clingy teething 2 yr old and now a 4 yr old who suddenly spiked a high fever and doesn't want to drink anything because it hurts to swallow. I have spent my free time holding my children and administering motrin every 6 hrs. I was so discouraged at what I thought was going to be a set back. But my husband did something he has never done. He factored life into his calculations and didn't get discouraged when things weren't perfect in the perfect amount of time. Though I apologized for not getting more done (my role has involved making dinner, holding kids, going through a small stack of papers to file or throw away, and mowing 1/2 the lawn before being called in to run a lukewarm bath for a feverish, shaking, aching 4 yr old) my dear sweet husband did exactly what he should have. He reassured me that I was doing the most important thing I could by taking care of our children.

I'm proud to say that for the FIRST time in almost 11 yrs of marriage EVERY surface, closet, bookcase, picture, window, tv and carpet in our living room is completely clean!!!!!!!!!!!! Those of you who are clean freaks will never understand how good it feels for two clutterbugs to have one room finally completely organized and clean! The kitchen is next. He caught up with all the dishes, there is not a single dirty dish in my kitchen (even though I cooked dinner tonight)! My counters are free of clutter and completely clean. My coffee pot is completely accessible!!!!!!!! We still have some projects to go in there before we can start on our room, then the bathroom, then the kids room and finally the basement but we have a beautiful start! My husbands state of mind seems better. He has more patience and is way less stressed out. My kids have still had some disrespectful moments but they handled their consequences much better than usual. It has been easier to be consistent about demanding respect and first time obedience. We still will have the battle to teach them to be respectful of their things but for the first time that battle doesn't seem overwhelming and an unattainable goal. And I am better. I LOVE having an area of my house that is peaceful. It has been nice to spend some quiet time in the mornings before the household is awake and in the evenings after they are asleep. It's much more enjoyable to have my morning coffee and time in the Word in a peaceful place not a chaotic place. Like, did you know that God speaks in living rooms too? Not just parks, car rides, church or any of the usual places I tend to look for Him and hear Him the clearest. Who knew?

I am for the first time in my life encouraged and excited about the state of my house. For those of you who have visited my home, you would be amazed and floored at the slow but steady changes that have happened and continue to happen. I actually have time and space to iron, something I haven't done in years! I know it sounds silly, but I feel that we are on the right track to beginning to live up to the calls God has for us. I'm still not 100% sure what those calls are or where He is taking us, but I do feel that we are the closest we have ever been to knowing what He has in store for us!

Jer 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

I lied

Ugh, I feel icky. I had another teachable moment tonight with my W. It wasn't nearly as easy for me as yesterdays was. While I was downstairs collecting jammies for my kiddos, W and Hubby had a run in that involved lying. W was given his consequence and when I returned upstairs I was informed of the incident. I asked W if he had made things right with Dad. The answer was no so I prompted him to go apologize to his Daddy for lying. Will did say sorry but he didn't understand why he said sorry. In comes teachable moment (I'm not this original, I saw it on a tv show and pirated it). I pulled W up to me and said, "After we get your brothers to bed I'm going to take you to the movies." He started to get excited but realized something was up when I didn't give him a high 5 when he asked for it. "What's up, Mom?" I looked him dead in the eye and said, "I lied. We are not going to the movies honey, I lied." He started to cry. Who wouldn't? I asked him how he felt when mom lied to him and he let me know that his feelings were really hurt. BINGO! That's how Mom and Dad feel when he lies to us, our feelings are hurt. We want to trust that what our son says is the truth but when he lies often to get out of trouble, it is difficult to trust him. Not trusting him hurts our hearts. I think it really sunk in. He went over and told Dad that he was sorry for telling a lie and sorry for hurting Dad's feelings. I also apologized for lying and hurting W's feelings. He saw what it is like to be lied to, hurt by those lies and then apologized to. When I was tucking him in bed he told me that he was still a little sad. Yeah, lies hurt us and the hurt doesn't always go away as quickly as the apology is over. So we went to bed discussing what the Bible says about lying, Ps 34:12-14 " Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. " My son wasn't the only one to cry tonight, his Mama did too.