Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The last two weeks have been rather crappy. That is the easy version of it all. It has been draining both physically and emotionally. I want nothing more than to lay comatose in my bed for a full week! I actually told Hubby tonight that if we win the powerball, I am hiring our favorite babysitter to come over and just be available for a full week. I don't want to be replaced in the rearing of my children, I just want one whole week that I don't have to get up early for school, a week that I could sleep in and wake up to a nice hot shower (with no kids interrupting or getting into loads of mischief while I'm in there) and then have a lazy cup of coffee and breakfast and start my day around 9:30 ish. Doesn't that sound lovely?!? So in the midst of cars failing emissions, empty bank accounts, looking for a new car, the whole family fighting off the sickies (and it has been that way for waaaaaaayyyyy too long), getting hit in the traffic circle near my sons school (yes, everyone is ok and the damage is minimal), parenting struggles, emotional struggles, and to top it off the Starbucks in the King Soopers that I frequent has just been torn down, I am thinking about powerball. Oddly, I am more content with what I have (or the lack thereof) after thinking of all the things I would do if money were no object at all. I am blessed to have my Sarah in our lives. Saturday, when I thought I couldn't take it for one more second, she volunteered to "kidnap my children" overnight. She picked them up Sat afternoon and returned them Sun afternoon. I wonder if the car getting hit and the Starbucks being gone would have completely pushed me over if I hadn't had that time alone with my husband to somewhat recover from last week. Oddly, in thinking of the things I wish that I had, I am more aware of how truly blessed I am. It's no lie that last week was one of the suckiest weeks ever, but I have an amazing husband, an amazing family and most of all and amazing Savior. In my weakness, He is made strong. I don't have it all together, but I love and am loved in return in spite of it all. Is there really any greater blessing? We have a new favorite song called "Sounds Like Life" by Darryl Worley. The entire song is this guy complaining to his buddy about all of his struggles. His friend looks at him and says "you make it sound like you're in some great tragedy, but it sounds like life to me." The song has helped both Hubby and I keep perspective during this rough time. Even when it is not fun, we still have so much more than we deserve. Yeah, bad things happen, yeah life takes turns you don't really like, but so does everyone elses life also! We all struggle and this week I reminded myself that it isn't my struggle that matters, it's what I do with it. As I tell my kids, only I can control my attitude and my responses. I guess that means that I need to quit pouting and live my life. Circumstances may not change but my attitude can. Tonight I'm going to trust in my Father. I'm going to remember all the times He has not let me down and I'm going to find refuge in the fact that He still holds me in His hands and will never let me go.