Sunday, March 7, 2010

thoughts on blogs of the unknown

I am strange.  I have pleanty of blogs of friends that I need to catch up on, I'm way behind.  But instead, do you know what I did tonight?  I hit "next blog" and read strangers updates.  Like I said, I am strange.  I even commented on a strangers blog post.  What?????  Since when do I do that? 

It got me thinking and wondering if strangers ever read my blog.  And if so, do they chuckle in understanding as I did with the two people I read about tonight.  Do they think I'm insane like I have thought before when reading strangers blogs?  And I realized one thing, some of my story is a bit intimidating to think of it being trusted to complete strangers.  Do I want people I've never met knowing about my struggles both past and present?  Do I say too much about my family?  But here is what I realized, this is me.  This is me at my core, both the good times and the bad times.  I can say that my blog is in no way fake, this is the real me.  I don't change what I write based on who I think will read it.  I say what's on my mind.  I have had myself mildly convinced that no one reads me anyway.  I'm not that interesting and even some who I expected would immediately "follow" me read me if I insist.

 I started my blog with the intent of doing a "clean sweep" in my brain. I mean really, one can only allow the brain to be cluttered for so long before you must get it out or go insane.  I thought blogging would be a great way to sort my brain, and maybe hash out on paper some of my questions.  I have indeed found those things.  My blogging goal now though is to not only vent, but to glorify the Lord.  I have only one desire, to be used by Him.  I thought I was only writing to get my thoughts out of my head to sort them out or to clarify my beliefs, but in reading blogs that belong to people I've never met (and really never will either in New Orleans or in England) I realized that my venting could be read by someone who needs to hear what I have to say.  That seems like a big responsibility.  I think I'll just keep on being exactly who I am and pray that the Lord will use me in ways I didn't dream of.  I'm not really all that much, but He in me is amazing and wonderful and glorious and worthy of all praise.  I pray that others will see Him though me.  That is the cry of my heart, to be a reflection of someone so much greater than myself!

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